Amazing Race 12, Ep. 11

Very nice, very nice. That was all kinds of good.
The fact that this was the first time in a long time that I'd have been happy with any of the Final Three winning made the last episode easier to watch than most. No roller-coaster stomach and gnashing of teeth made for a much more pleasant evening.
And I am happy that Rachel and TK won, but I hadn't realized how much I wanted Don and Nick to win until they didn't. I was truly sorry that everyone couldn't have won.

That was the most diabolical, soul-destroying final Roadblock I ever did see. Thing 1 and I just stared at each other, open-mouthed, at the horror of that task. I think I would have just layed down and wept if I been presented with that. The stress and fatigue and pressure would have sent my right over the edge.
The only thing bad about not having Nate and Jen in the Final Three was not seeing one of them do that.....can you imagine? What about Mirna?

I was most amused by Fake-Japanese-Subway-Cleaner-Man at the final Roadblock. All of them just kept a stony face while being directed here and there...."a human is an animal." And he looked like a Ghostbuster.

Why was it no surprise that Don hunted and fished when he was a kid and could fillet a fish in under a minute? What can Don not do? Maybe he could get his own tv show after this and that's what they could call it.

Did anyone else think that clue said "Shit Creek"? Because I immediately turned to Thing 1 and said "I hope they have a paddle". (She didn't get it.)

Alaska is beautiful in the summer.

I read online that TK and Rachel kept a journal for the duration of the race, and studied it the night before the final day in anticipation of some sort of "where have you been" challenge. Served them well, I think. Also? That final challenge took over an hour.

I think one of my favorite shots of the night was when TK and Rachel and Nick and Don were in the airport on the moving sidewalk, looking for Ron and Chris, and glided right by that Air China lounge.

I love this show.

Until next season!

Amazing Race 12, Ep. 10

That? Was a great big steaming pile of awesome.

You probably heard Thing 1 and I cheering when we saw that it was Gramps and Nick coming in as Team #3. It was a very screechy episode here at Chez Loudshoes. Lots of startled dogs and cats all over North America tonight, I’d say.

Today is my birthday, and I can honestly say that Nate and Jen being eliminated was one of the best birthday presents I ever had.
And you know what? They never did come in first place. Not once. I keep repeating that to myself because it never, ever is not wonderful.

And by the way, did you hear that episode was recorded on Jen’s birthday? Because she was very quiet about that. (Apparently, everyone else was supposed to step aside and let Jen win because it was her birthday. And she’s 5)

Taipei has good Thai food? Oh, dear. That boy is as thick as two short planks, isn’t he?

TK and Rachel’s “fight” in the elevator? Hee.
On the other hand, Jen’s "I can't decide ....why did you make us take the subway..... step up and be the man and make the decisions so that I am not responsible......we have to take the bus NO I AM NOT FREAKING OUT" moment was just so…..Jen. I get the feeling that she thinks that freaking out and using up all that energy in that way makes her more competitive and intense. (I am always amazed when women like that are able to find men who are willing put up with them. What exactly is the attraction there?)
I loved the part where Jen was spazzing out because TK and Rachel weren’t spazzing out. I realize that everyone deals with stress differently, but honestly, Jenn, maybe you should realize that your way? is not at all productive. You might want to take a page from their book, rather than demand that they behave like you.
Let's go talk to our competition..." Nick and Don are my favorite team here, hands down. I love how Don has gone from money-counting, mud-covered skivvy-wearing grampa to tough, potty-mouthed McGyver skills grampa.


What exactly is the ritual whereby one dons a haz-mat suit and has firecrackers shot at them and then gets doused with water? Those wacky Thais.

Note to Self: Amazing Race Preparation Programme should include learning Chinese, as well as learning how to row a kayak, use a GPS and mine gold.

I am especially pleased that this season of the race has not relied simply on feats of strength or foot races. That, combined with the lack of alpha-male teams has meant that the standings have changed constantly, that there is very little predictability in the outcome and, most importantly, spazzy, bickering teams are eliminated because they are spazzy and bickering, not stayed in because they beat some old farts in a rock-climbing competition.

This is the first time in a long time where I would be happy with any of the remaining teams winning. Ron I'm not so crazy about, but he's trying to be a better person, and his daughter is unbelievably competent. They could win it and I'd be happy. TK and Rachel, because they have been the turtles in this race, slow and steady and I love the way they interact with each other. But I'd be pleased beyond belief if Nick and Don won, simply because Nick has been the only racer to carry two backpacks all around the world.

Finale next week!

Amazing Race 12, Ep. 9

I love Donald. I love him. I would happily racearoundtheworld with that old man until I died. "He is like a bitch for me and I think it's perfect." From your Gramps. He is awesome. Oh, and anyone, anyone, who can use a word like "falutin' " in a sentence without snorting with laughter at themselves is just fine by me.
Also, this exchange just floored me: Don: "Anything can happen in this race."*Pause*Nick: That's so cliche. Don: Yep.

During the opening credits, I couldn't help but marvel at how long ago it's seemed since we saw some of those teams....Lorena and Jason? Hot Latina Sisters? Lesbian Ministers? They were years ago, I tell you!

I could watch Nate and Jennifer come in second all freaking day. That? Never gets old for me. Watching them come in second has surpassed any other team's coming in first, in my books.

Favorite Line of the Night: "It's easier to land a plane than drive in Osaka".
And when Jen said "Its just beautiful here", as they were driving over a huge, 8 lane bridge. Maybe the view off either side was better than what the camera showed.

I figured it had to be a non-elimination leg when TK and Rachel were not given a "cease-and-desist" order from the subway station cleaning man. Given that the sun was setting and they were clearly hours behind everyone else, had this been an elimination round they'd have been Guidoed and told to never mind.
I also get the feeling that if TK and Rachel don't win this thing, their lives and their relationship will carry on just fine, and they will happily remember their experiences and go on to have many more. If Nate and Jennifer don't win this, they will forever blame the other one for it, and never, ever forget it.

It was nice to see a different city in Japan other than Tokyo. The addition of Green-Haired Flower Lady and Wheezing-Death-Throes Taxi Driver added to the whole novelty of the place.

What the hell is wrong with Ron when he is giddy with self-congratulation for treating his daughter with respect and dignity for one whole day? Is this what it's come down to? Because, that is how your are supposed to deal with everyone everyday, asshat.
When they came in first, and were jumping up and down for joy? I thought they might launch themselves right off that ledge they were standing next to. Or that Christina might hurl him right off by herself.

I loved the part where Jen was checking herself out in the mirror of that cab and exclaiming about how cute she was and the lady passenger cocks her head and gives her a "WTF" look .

Also, when Thing 1 and I were watching the show and Jen bitched at Nate for "pushing" her into the cab (when the replay shows he did not such thing) and Jen bitched some more that "that was going to cost" them, Thing 1, exasperated with them both, said "how is that going to cost them", and I told her "because she wants it to". It's like Jennifer works very, very hard to find a way to make everything that goes wrong his fault, so that she can hold it over his head for the rest of their natural lives.

Oh, and applauding robot? Stole my heart.

TK referred to the beginning as "the pit start"! Hee! How has nobody ever said that before?

One of my favorite scenes in the episode was watching Ronald and Don sharing snacks while waiting for their youngsters to complete the taxi task. How strange and refreshing to still have these grumpy old guys in the race so close to the finish.

I really, really hope the Amazing Editors are not setting us up for a "Jenn and Nate only come in first once when it really counts" edit, because right now I'd be happy with anybody but them winning this thing.

Until next week!

Amazing Race 12, Ep. 8

Did you hear that howl of disappointment which resonated from Chez Loudshoes last night at 8:55? Thing 1 and I were keening like Turkish earthquake victims. We loved those kooky goth kittens. Kynt and Vyxyn were clearly disappointed, but seemed to be more than mollified by the consolation prize of being named the most fashionable racers ever.

I cannot tell you how much I wish they had U-turned Jenn and Nate, not only because they'd still be in the race, but because I would have loved to have seen Jennifer have the mother of all nuclear meltdowns and ended up in a puddle of herself right in the streets of Mumbai like the Wicked Witch of the West. I think the mighty Killer Fatigue had a hand in this, as everyone was working on a minimum of sleep for the third or fourth day running; I'm sure if Kynt and Vyxyn had been tracking, they'd have played that much differently.

Also, India has proved to be absolutely lethal to racers in the past. Remember Emily and her mother in the first race, who just gave up and lay down on the street and cried?

I fear that Nate and Jennifer are going to end up in the final three, if not win this thing. There, I said it. It would be too much to ask that they get to the final three, only to come in second at the mat, wouldn't it?

Jennifer trying to give that garland to the elephant was downright hilarious. I hope for her sake that was Killer Fatigue also, because what wedding has she been to that the groom was an elephant? (Babar's, maybe.) I liked the dog that kept messing with her, too. You know, it occurs to me that she's been unpleasant to ever animal she's encountered in this show. That tells me a lot about a person.

I liked that TK and Rachel seem to have just found out that they are racing for a million dollars. It was like that was brand new information for them.

I have never heard of an airport being closed before. Like, closed for the night, not closed because of a bomb threat or bad weather. Just closed because everyone went home for the night and will be back in the morning. Crazy Italians.

Seriously, Ron has got to SHUT THE HELL UP!! I'd have pasted that poster right over his mouth if I had been there. Honestly, they guy has the social skills of a drunken three-year-old.
How on earth did he ever hold down a job or stay married is anybody's guess. He started the poster up too high, he broke the box he was standing on, he messed up the poster, and then he argued with the judge, but it's all her fault. Ass. And why does the guy keep choosing to do physical tasks when he has a freaking hernia???? I wanted him to crash into an open flame with that bike full of propane.

I think Don has become one of my favorite racers ever, and he is definitely my all time favorite senior citizen. Remember the Groaning Grannies? He's nothing like either of them. Is there anything he hasn't done? I dearly hope there is some really weird final challenge, like doing your own dental work or tanning the hide of a buffalo or calculating the square root of time that he will be able to do and will make Jennifer's head burst into flames.

Nate has some interesting ideas in regards to sociology and gender roles, does he not? I had no idea that hand/eye co-ordination was directly related to one's possession of a uterus, but apparently, it is!
"Why can't you do this? You're a girl!""Why couldn't you row the boat? You're a boy!" ranks as one of the funniest exchanges ever.

Jennifer is really very tiresome, isn't she? She was pissed off that Kynt didn't close the elevator door, but really she was mad that she didn't' get a chance to do it to him, first. And all that whining and moaning in the taxi on the way to the pitstop....it's like if she doesn't have Nate's full attention at every single moment, she's afraid he will cheat on her or something.

And next week, "Where the hell are TK and Rachel?" will be the theme song.

Until then!

Amazing Race 12, Ep. 7

Wow, good on ya, Gramps! I didn't think he'd go through with the tattoo, but he did. Can you just imagine if Jenn and Nate had gone for that Fast-Forward? I doubt very much she'd have gotten the tattoo, and it would have been all his fault, too. On the other hand, I can see Kynt and Vyxyn saying "cool, have at it". (Did anyone else notice that the font of the tattoo was almost identical to the font of the "Fallen" t-shirt that Kynt was wearing?) Man, the producers are getting more and more harsh with the Fast Forwards..... I mean, Joyce had to shave her head, the tattoos; Flo and her partner had to wave at the surfer in the river, for goodness sake, for their Fast Forward. It wasn't even tiring, let alone nail-bitingly stressful. It also seems a bit harsh to have people get a permanent tattoo, not of their choosing, on a non-elimination leg, when they wouldn't have been out any way. (I had heard that there would be no non-eliminations this time around, so I was glad there was when it saved the Goths.)

I hope Gramps enjoys the spa vacation he won! He totally looks like a sea-mud wrap and aromatherapy facial kind of guy.

I want the guy at the flag detour to be on every one...."Nnnnnno!"

Seeing Jenn and Nate come in #2 yet again, was deeply satisfying. I was worried that the tattoo team was going to wimp out and go back to the Roadblock and the Bicker Twins would finally get their heart's desire.

I really felt sorry for Vyxyn on that drive; that Killer Fatigue had set in and she was in a free fall of despair after that. I've been there, baby. (I think the whole year after Thing 2 was born was like that, actually.) In my experience, sleep deprivation will mess with your head like nobody's business. But their worst day is like Jenn and Nate's best one; that "fight" they had in the car, with Kynt squeaking "stop the car! stop the car right now!" like a panicky, asthmatic hamster was barely even a change in blood pressure around here. I get more riled up when the Mister forgets to empty the dishwasher.

Whatever drug TK and Rachel are on, I know a couple of people who could use a massive dose of it. They stayed incredibly calm throughout what looked like the worst of days. If I had been Rachel waiting down on the ground for an hour and a half I think I would have burst into flames.

Ron is still such a tool.

As much as I like Kynt, could we please just get him out of the closet and get it overwith? Seriously, the guy is putting on sparkly pink lipgloss and preening in front of a mirror....this in no way shouts "hetero" to anyone.

I wonder what the Speed Bump aspect is? If it involved being a speed bump, I would think that would be awesome.

Until next week!

Amazing Race 12, Ep. 6

Too bad for Hendekea and Azzaria; that simple mistake cost them dearly. I checked my tape over, and when Azzaria was saying "economy" to the ticket agent, she was saying "as fast as possible". The agent might have only heard her, and found her the best seats at the time, which were business class.

Wow, Azzaria, you are totally wrong-o on the role of an older brother. An older brother's job is not to "challenge" or "guide" a younger sister, an older brother's job is to A) infuriate her B)embarrass her, C) be condescending to her and D) give her noogies at every available opportunity.

Man, that Jennifer and Nate are both prizes, aren't they? Their dynamics alternately baffle me and sicken me. Can someone exlplain the thought processes that go on with relationships like that, because I cannot, for the life of me, figure out why people continue to stay with someone they so clearly dislike. I kind of remember being about 14 and having a "boyfriend" that I didn't like very much, but he liked me, and I enjoyed the status of dating someone, so I put up with him for about a week or so. They kind of remind me of that.
When we were watching, Thing 2, who is 10, asked about Jen "what is wrong with her?". Just about sums it up, doesn't it? I'm surprised neither of them shoved the other one off that cliff.

Personally, if I felt strongly enough about anyone to tell them "I hate you with a passion" and mean it, I sincerely think that would be the last thing I ever said to them. We'd be done.

And Jen? Do not give Phil the stinkeye at the mat. No good will come of that.

It would be fun to keep these two in the race, if only to see the look of bitter acceptance on her face when they come in second at the finale. Also, I want to see him get on a flight to "Brovniak" or some other place which sounds like where he wants to go.

I practiallly stood up and cheered when Phil told them they had to go back down to the bottom of the hill and get a taxi and come right back up. That was a great, big, steaming pile of awesome. And the best part? The taxi driver that wouldn't take them the first time, who did take Ron and Christina? He's the guy that brought them back down. Thank you Anonymous Croatian Taxi Driver!

I also want to thank the guy at the top of the hill with the gun. That? was great. Especially since you startled those two twice. In fact, I loved just about everyone's reaction to the gun. Guns and goats would be a nice combination on this race, no?

Don and Nick have got to stop with the close finishes, they're killing me.

When they were on the Amazing Bathmat, I noticed that the "little pink kitten" has got quite a rack on her, and said so to the Mister. He replied that those two have so much going on he hadn't had time to notice. He was too distracted by Kynt's makeup.

I loved when Ron and Christina were told they won catamarans, and Ron cheered "I know what that is!". Remember when Charla and Mirna won the exact same thing and went "Yay!...wait....what's that?".

Favorite Line of the Night: from Vyxyn- "It's okay. I have a dad, too."

Where was everyone's backpacks?

Until next week!

Amazing Race 12, Ep. 5

It’s hard to determine which team was more unlikeable last night, Team Nosejob or Team Infidelity. They both bickered and whined and shouted at each other so much that I’m not sure they even registered that they were on another continent.

I’m not so sure that the Twigs needed to use the U-Turn at all, given that the last team last week was at least an hour behind them, but on the other hand, they at least used it in the right way; if you think you are decidedly in danger of being eliminated, why not make sure there’s a team well behind you? Seriously, Tall Twig needed to let it go.
I wonder what kind of awkward arrival they had at Sequesterville? (The resort they have to spend the duration of the race at.) Do you think Lorena and Jason bought them a drink? Sadly, it appears that their feminine wiles did them no good on this race at all.

I really thought that bus was going to mow down the Twigs. ("Wow, this will be the first actual death on a reality show.")Man, that was close. I wonder if the camera guy gets to go home now.

I’m puzzled as to why Jen was so obviously hurt and outraged when Nate called her a bitch, as she herself has used that very term in reference to every other female on the race, especially for the egregious task of doing better than her.

I’m liking Grandpa a lot. That remark as they came out of the travel agent’s in Ouagadougou, “C’est la vie! That’s French, in case you wanted to know.” Is exactly the kind of thing I would say in the same circumstances, and then who ever is with me would justifiably want to kill me.

God, Ron is a tool sometimes, isn’t he? That “fossilization” thing was annoying the first time around, but he just kept saying it. The fact that the woman spoke almost no English didn’t seem to faze him one little bit.
And, did you hear he has a hernia? Because that was brand new information for me until he volunteered to go up on the stilts and toppled over like Wile. E Coyote. But on the other hand, could you imagine him during the counting task? She’d be patiently counting away, and he’d be counting, sort of, while telling her how to do it, what she’s doing wrong and how she could be doing it better, and then she’d put one of those pickets straight through his chest.

Was it Ron who said that all he knew about Lithuania is that they make great pastries? Because,….God.

Am I a horrible person for wanting to slap Christina every time she chirps “I love you, Daddy!”? Because I had a boyfriend that did that used to do that to me, and I got out of that relationship before I completely lost it and ripped his head off.

I loved all the racers who gleefully announced “I can count!”, like that was the entire task. In reality, it was concentrating which was the crux of the matter. (“87, 88, 89, 100!” Okay, so maybe counted mattered, too.) Why didn’t Jen and Nate do it in opposite directions if they were having such a problem being in the same hemisphere as each other?

That festival, by the way, was amazing! I will definitely put that village on my “List of Places To Go Once I Win The Lottery and My Children Finish Medical School”. Those people who’s sole purpose was to mess up the counters? They are my new best friends. The only thing that would have made that better is if they had had goats, too.

Is Azzaria secretly Hendekea’s father? Because he seems to be determined to treat her like a child, despite the fact that she seems astoundingly competent.

Whatever TK and Rachel are smoking, they should give some of that to Jen and Nate. I loved her response to the Detour choices, “Ooooh, stilts!”. Sometimes you just have to go with the task that looks like fun.

Another new band name, courtesy of Phil: “Land of the Gnomes”.

Until next week!

Amazing Race, Ep. 4

“No Chicken, No Check In” is my new imaginary band name. Along with “Potentially Uncooperative Goat”

You know who Jen is? She’s that girl you hated in high school, that one who thinks that because she’s blond and a cheerleader that everything belongs to her. I’m surprised she didn’t get all up in the judges of African Idol's faces because she knows how to dance, and they clearly did not see her superiour skills. And, it is IN NO WAY up to the team ahead of you to “let you come in first” because they’ve already had their first place finish and now it’s your turn. That’s not “super competitive”, that’s whiney and cry-babyish. If I dated her, I’d cheat on her too.

Lorener and Jason were more than an hour behind the first teams to leave the pitstop, I’m not sure that that U-Turn was going to make too much of a difference anyway. I’m at least glad that their undoing was her performance last week, rather than the U-Turn this week. And honey, he’s not marrying you, do you get that, don't you? And even if he does? He's still going to be on his way when he finds something better, because he's not finished shopping yet.

Did anyone else think that the Silicone Twigs were mistaken, and thought that the team right behind them was Lorener and Jason? Because I was definitely getting that vibe. I’m sorry if that was the case, and they didn’t show the two of them when they found out they were wrong. Shorter Twig was right, though, in that it is a viable strategy for the race, and using it does not encompass any moral deficiencies. And she was right to use it in a situation where she thought they were in second-to-last place to hold up the team right behind them. But it did seem to take a toll on the team dynamics, so we will see how that turns out next week.

I was SO hoping the Goths would do “Booty”, and they did! Clearly Kynt has had some experience with cheerleading or colour guard or something, because nobody handles a stick like that without some prior training. I love Vyxyn’s reaction to the culture shock (are you listening, Twigs???) and the poverty around her. I also loved the way she rocked that chicken-in-a-bag back and forth, like it was a baby. These two are my favorites this season, I think.

Did you see the way Grandpa just walked right up to that chicken and snagged it with one hand? And then plopped it in the bag while he was walking back? Impressive…no muss, no fuss. And then he had a passing knowledge of gold mining! Gramps went up a few notches in my estimation, let me tell you. (He reminds me a bit of Creed, from “The Office”, who frequently busts out with some improbable bit of experience from his past: “It’s much more lucrative to be the leader of a cult” and “I was in an Iron Lung”.)

Anyone else feel sorry for the goats and the chickens? I’m just glad the Roadblock didn’t involve wringing the chickens necks, and then plucking and eating them. I think the producers thought the chickens would provide more entertainment than they did....this season's teams are just too normal and calm. Can you imagine the spazztastic hi-jinks that would have ensued if Charla and Mirna had been obliged to snag a chicken?

Best Line of the Night: "Let's name our chicken "Phil"."

Amazing Race 12, Ep. 3

This was a wonderful episode. If they had animals on every leg of this race, I would be one happy viewer. Cranky camels make for excellent television. On past seasons they have had donkeys, llamas, goats and monkeys that have all been hugely entertaining; keep 'em coming, I say!

I liked the sisters and would have liked to see them stay around a bit longer. The one who was milking had an excellent reply to the camel pooping, which was "This is what I get instead of milk?". That kind of attitude I am happy to deal with. On the other hand, I don't think I was ever going to tell them apart, and with them gone, I won't have to watch grandpa get his freak on again, which makes me very happy. Maybe giving the one team that was behind them a hint as to how to complete the task faster wasn't their best move.

Oh, Lorena. I hope you watched yourself tonight and had to put your fingers in your ears and sing "la-la-la-la-la" because you were so embarrassed and ashamed and mortified. Because that? was. awful. You fell on your knees and wailed like a Turkish earthquake victim who's lost her entire family. Over, get this, spilled milk. Perspective much?
Perhaps you would have finished earlier if you hadn't stopped every two minutes to shriek and screech and cry and look at Jason. (What, exactly, did you think he was going to do for you?) It might have been worth a shot, since what you were doing was clearly not working. Did you stop to consider that perhaps it was your horribly shrill squawking might actually be making the camels lactating organs shrivel up and die? No wonder dude has "one foot out the door"....I'd hesitate to make a lifetime commitment to that, too.
And, by the way, any mammal that is giving milk, is a female. I think she stopped giving you milk because she was offended that you kept calling her "he". Camels have feelings, too, you know.

And the "Ugly American Award" goes to the Botoxed Twigs, who seemed to think that the less than ideal conditions in Africa were put there because nobody cared enough about them to clean it up before they got there. Ick.
One of my favorite parts of the night was provided by their taxi driver. Even my 13-year-old, had enough sense to shout at the television "what is wrong with you two???? He's NOT going to give you the right change!!!". His chirpy "Bon voyage, merci beaucoup!" made my night.

One of the funniest things of the night was the various pronunciations of "Ouagadougou". Props to Christina who rattled it off without batting an eyelash.

Also, when Ronald was trying to explain the word "skyscraper" to the little African Fifth Grader, he started beating his chest and saying "you know, like King Kong". Dude, did you look out the window? Not too many cineplexes in the neighbourhood! I doubt the kid has had much opportunity to see ANY movies, let alone one which was made, like, seventy years before she was born. Besides, how on earth was that supposed to help her memorize "skyscraper"? Then, one of the twigs was trying to demonstrate "cowboy", by jumping up and down in her low-cut, off-the-shoulder, Flashdance hoodie and imitating a lasso. I think the kid thinks that "cowboy" is English for "silicone breasts".

Phil looked very yummy with his umbrella (every one sing! "ella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh") and unprocessed hair.

Greeter's baby at the Amazing Bathmat was awesome. I was a bit worried for both of them when the six teams rushed the mat all at once.

So, what do you think the population of Bingo, Burkina Faso, made of this? "A big, loud, smelly bunch of white people came to visit all of a sudden, they couldn't even milk a camel, for God's sake and then they shouted English words at us until we repeated them, and then they made it rain and then they left. Wonder what that was all about?"

I wondered how the Goth's makeup was going to fare on this thing, and I fear the answer is "even worse than I thought". Kynt's eyebrows were looking.....freaky. Which is ironic, really.

Best Line of the Night, from Jennifer: "Be gentle honey, you're handling nipples".

Phil mentioned the "local nomads". How does that work? Are they nomads but just in a designated area? Doesn't that just make them homeless people? Maybe that's how I will refer to the panhandlers near work.

Until next week!

Amazing Race 12, Ep. 2

This season rocks.
First we get passive-aggressive donkeys last week, and then we get game-show style pole-vaulting? And next week we get uncooperative camels? I love this show!

Good God, Ronald has proved himself to be an unmitigated douchebag in an astonishingly short time. He must have set some sort of record.
Why on earth did he take on Nicholas at the airport and berate him for being rude? Who made him the Etiquette Police?
His daughter is a saint. After the waffling and the blaming and the “constructive criticism” and the “you’ve disappointed me” and then the crack about her weight?? If he’d have pulled any of that shit on me I’d have been sorely tempted to take that pole and beat him to death with it, and then dump him in the muddy ditch and say “there, is that decisive enough for you?”.
Remember when she said last week that she wanted to get to know him “in the time he has left”? That’s because she’s going to kill him.
Perhaps in the 12 hours they have to “rest, sleep, mingle” in Amsterdam Rachel and TK can take him out to a nice hash bar and mellow him out a bit.

Kynt and Vyxin are the perkiest Goths I think I’ve ever seen. I’m impressed with the way they handle themselves and each other. And a guy that claims that he’s a “bit prissy” and a girl that admits to macramé? I’m starting to like them very much. Oh, and I was totally thinking of cartoon hi-jinks when they were hauling that furniture up in the air. Too bad they didn’t have a safe or a piano.

If I never see Grampa in his banana hammock all covered in mud, it will be just fine with me. Kudos to him for taking it on and doing it and keeping at it without any whining. Why on earth didn’t the grandson volunteer? It’s not like the clue was ambiguious or anything….the word “acrobat” might have alerted you to the fact that your grandfather might not be the best choice here.

The Bleachmongers are proving to be surprising adept, even if they do keep harping on about how tiny and skinny and girly they are. I loved when Twig #1 had her first attempt at the pole vault and promptly catapulted herself up to her eyebrows in mud and the judge calmly declared “No good!”, like it might have been unclear as to whether she made it or not.
One of my Favorite Lines of the Night came from one of the Twigs (which I cannot tell apart): Driver Twig says something about not being able to keep the brights on in the car without holding down the lever and says “is there a way to do this, or am I being and idiot?”, and Passenger Twig calmly remarks “She asks that question a lot”.

Okay, Jennifer, you can stop calling every other woman who is competing just as hard as you are, bitches. And? You are rather bitchy yourself. She strikes me as the kind of woman that dislikes other women, because they ALL might do something better than her, and then tempt her boyfriend to cheat on her.

Favourite Line of the Night: When Kynt is eyeing up the Roadblock and seeing poles and ditches and such and murmurs “I think it has something to do with the sheep”. Whaaaat?

Favourite Shot of the Night: TK and Rachel pedaling past the bike drop off past a clearly bemused Phil.

Oh, Pat and Kate, I’m so sorry to see you gone. I loved the Married Lesbian Ministers, if only because that moniker never gets old. Plus, they are the first non-annoying self-proclaimed Christians, who also vocalized a sentiment that I have, for so long, bellowed at my television throughout many a reality show: God does not care a fig who wins this or any other contest. And, I really loved that you did not use this experience to “test” your relationship. I think you know you’re doing just fine.
By the way, can anyone tell me why the producers/Phil/ the cameramen decided to frame the shot of everyone on the Amazing Bathmat with a bra and panty set flapping away on the clothesline behind them?

Next week: If the previews are any indication, I think Lorena may be the new Flo.

Until next week!

Amazing Race 12, Ep. 1

Ahhh, my race, she is back. Airport tension, bickering couples, lesbians and donkeys. Could they start out any better than this? I think not.

That was clearly the most satisfying first round elimination ever. Ever.
Anyone who uses "I tell it like it is" to justify their obnoxious, adolescent behaviour is just being an insufferable asshole, in my books. Plus, Ari seemed to be trying to hard to fit the "sassy, gay sidekick" role, and A)I'm tired of that guy, and B)he wasn't very good at it. There's a difference between being snarky and just being mean. (Just for the record, I am snarky.)
Let that be a lesson to you, Taxi-Karma is vengeful and swift. Do not mess with Taxi-Karma.

I'm a little mystified on the Goth couple for a number of reasons. They seem pretty affable, and fairly competent racers, but they seem a little....chipper for Goths. Instead of pretending to be angry, they seem to be pretending to be sad.
And, I'll be the one to say it, Kynt is Vyxsin's boyfriend? Really? Because, the dude has boobs. And likes to do makeup. And wears makeup. and, well, just look at him. I know I'm not supposed to judge a book by it's cover, but damn. When the book says "I'm a freak", I'm going to believe it. And don't get me started on the "kree-8-ive" name spelling, because that? is one of my all time pet-peeves.

Oh, for the love of all that is holy, can we stop with the couples who come on this show to "find out if they are meant for each other"? Here's a clue: you're on a reality show, who's purpose is to entertain people. It is not going to provide the couple therapy that you so badly need.
Nathan and Jennifer; he cheated and she's never going to let him forget it. That's pretty much all you guys need to know about each other.
The other one (Shrill, Whiny Dark Haired One, and Colin Farrell-look-a-like) You've been living together for three years, and he's not sure he wants to marry you? News flash, he's not going to. Not now, not ever. Any guy that claims to have "one foot out the door" is, well, Colin Farrell. Time to get off the pot. (And maybe an HIV test.)

I kind of like the brother/sister team, until he mentioned that they were smarter than all the other teams. Unless there's a roadblock involving calculus, I'm not sure that's going to be much of a plus for you. Besides, did you notice who's won this thing in the past? I'm betting that Jeremy and Danielle, from the All-Star Edition, are not members of Mensa.

Can we please declare a moratorium on female teams who plan to use flirting and feminine wiles to gain an edge in this game? Because, holy crap, I HATE THAT!! This is a game of luck and skill: eyelash-batting and hair-tossing have never proven to be advantageous. Besides, those two Bleachmongers are the skankiest, most botoxed, tightly clenched specimens I've ever seen. Did you see the Donkey Wrangler flinch when Booby #1 leaned in to kiss him? I think he actually shuddered.
The other two, the Firecracker Sisters from Miami are much, much prettier, but I hope they can drive a stick-shift and read a map, too.

Best Roadblock ever!! God, I loved those donkeys. They rank right up there with the elephants, and camels and oxes that have provided so much needed karma and comedy. The honking donkey nearly made me hurt myself laughing.
I cannot believe that nobody, NOBODY made one single "Shrek" joke during that whole thing.
(I'd have been all "in the morning, I'm making waffles", and laughing at my own joke and driving everyone around me nuts.)

Favourite Line of the Night: "If you make me lose this race I will cut you up and eat you."

Until next week!