Mrs. Loudshoes By the Numbers

My age: 48

Time I got up this morning: 9:30 a.m.

Time Toby thought I should have gotten up this morning: 6:45 a.m. And 7:15. And 8:40. And 9:25.

My shoe size: 8 1/2. It used to be 7, but 27 years of hairdresssing and two pregnancies had upped that.

Number of times I have tried to get through "The Hobbit" and failed: about 8

Ratio of days to afternoon naps I could take: 1:1

Number of cats I have owned: 5

Number of toes one of those cats had: 27. A male, orange tabby named Luther. Dimmest cat I ever saw; had the IQ of a carrot. Had 7 toes on one front paw, 8 on another, and 6 on each back paw. He had paws like baseball mitts, and was the only cat you could hear coming. Because of the thudding.

Classes I completed in university in Economics: 0. Started one, but after two weeks I still had no idea what the hell they were talking about. Dropped it and took a history class on "Ancient and Medieval Warfare". Best deal I ever got.

Number of shirts I ruined before I started wearing an apron when I cook: 1,000

Number of speeding tickets I have received: 1. And on my birthday, too.

Times I have eaten haggis: 1

Socks I have knit by hand: 8 pairs

Socks I have knit by hand that are wearable by humans: 1 pair

Age I will be when fart jokes cease to be funny: 109

Cups of coffee that I drink in a day: 2

Cups of coffee that I would like to drink in a day: 9

Number of clients that I wanted to slap last week: 3

Books I read last year: 52

Books I read in one week at the cottage: 4

Bags of chips I ate last year, in relation to my weight: 1:1

Number of those bags that I ate in one week at the cottage: 2/3

Number of blessings I've counted in the past few days: innumberable.

Lucky stars I've thanked that this is so: too many to count

Troubles I've seen: few.