Poop Deck.

I had coffee this morning with my friend, Mary, possibly one of the funniest women God ever created. She not only makes me laugh so loud that other people turn and look, she has an ear-splitting howl that makes me laugh all the harder, too.

Mary is a kindergarten teacher, and you'd be hard pressed to find someone better suited to the job. She adores the kids, takes everything in stride and, most important for a kindergarten teacher, has not one item of "dry clean only" clothing in her entire wardrobe.

She was telling me about a lo-o-ong day last week, where all the kids were behaving like raging meth addicts, and she was very much looking forward to the cold Blue Light she knew she had stashed in the fridge that morning. As the kids were getting their snow gear on, she became aware of a commotion in the coat room, with the phrase "I think it's poo" wafting through the little voices, spurring her on to get in there right smart.

She found two little ones on their hands and knees, inspecting a small brown thing at close range, one opining that it was a raisin, and the other concluding that it was a turd. Mary got them away from the offending article, and did a quick visual inspection of the rest of the classroom. Sure enough, another "raisin" was found behind the rocking chair, as well as some tracking evidence across the carpet. She called the custodian and started to try to figure out who the culprit was.

Naturally, no one was owning up to it; she said she'd have been surprised if anyone had. (Good God, can you imagine any 5 year old admitting to such a thing???? You'd spend the rest of your school career, nay, your life, as the kid who pooped in kindergarten. Even a little kid can see that right there would be a life-altering admission.) The girls in leotards were off the hook, that would take some fairly obvious manoevering to work that out in a hurry. Maybe a boy in boxer shorts and a fidgetly leg? Hard to tell.

When she was in the staff room when everyone was gone, one of the kids' parents came in and laughingly asked Mary about it, since her son told her there was a turd in the classroom and no one knew who it came from. (I think she was suspicious of her own offspring, in all honesty. )

Mary just told the mother "kids have so much fun in my class they just shit themselves. What can I say?"

My job is a piece of cake.