The salon where I work is on a busy, main street. It gets plenty of car and foot traffic, and is a main artery through the city. If I was going to commit a criminal act, that street is not where I'd do it. But someone thought otherwise yesterday.
We have a small area outside the shop where we set up a table and chairs when the weather is nice. We keep some of the salon's newsletters on the table for passers-by, and they are weighed down by a small vase with some fake flowers in it. (The newsletters, not the passers-by.)
The Mister happened to be looking out the front window yesterday, when he saw a young woman stop, look at the newsletters and pick up the vase and the flowers to take one. Or so he thought. No, she just picked up the vase and the flowers and kept going.
He took off after her, and caught up with her a few steps away, saying to her "Excuse me, before you put that in your backpack, do you mind giving it back???" Whereupon, she ran. And so did he.
They didn't get very far, and he managed to grab her backpack while yelling "give it back", and she was yelling at him to let go. He said she was acting like he was trying to get at something of hers. He did mention that, all the while, he was conscious of the fact that he, a middle-aged man, was having a fierce and public tussle with a young woman; this had the potential to not look so good to anyone else.
She was wearing some fancy looking sunglasses (WHICH I BET SHE STOLE FROM SOMEONE ELSE) and it occurred to him to pluck those off her face and say "hah!", but figured that could spiral out of control really fast.
Anyway, she finally could see that he wasn't going to give up, and she threw the vase on the ground smashing it, and said "there!", like she had just scored some sort of moral victory. Our receptionist, the Fiercest Administrative Assistant In All The Land", managed to round the corner right as she smashed the vase, and loudly called her a very, very bad name. Which didn't do much except make everyone who heard her laugh out loud.
So, the Mister and the receptionist went back to the salon to explain their hasty departure to all and sundry.
That's my husband: mild-mannered hairdresser by day, brave crime-fighter by, um, later in the day.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Dressed For Success.
As I mentioned last week, blogging does have it's up side. My good friend Carolyn generously donated a set of hip waders AND chest waders to me because she saw on my blog that I was going fishing in Quebec at the end of the month. (I suspect that Carolyn really didn't want the waders hanging around her garage any longer. Her husband is a fisher, and from the looks of things, Carolyn has stored about as much fishing gear as she can stand.)
So this weekend, I went to pick them up, and here is the result:
Fetching, no? I love them. Hide belly bulge? Check. Entirely waterproof? Check. No cutting waistband or itchy lace? Check. One piece that requires no accesorizing, including shoes?? Check. Embarrasses the snot out of my children? Check and double check. What's not to love. I wish I could wear them all the live long day.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Amazing Race 14, Ep. 10
An appearance by Jerome the Gnome!! It was like seeing an old friend again! I liked how Jerome had to wear a headpiece in the Opera House.
As someone with the tiniest bladder in the history of human anatomy, I can totally sympathize with Jen's desperation to get to a toilet. In that state, it's all you can think about, million dollars be damned. But four bottles of water? Damn, no bladder can sustain that enslaught, I don't care who you are.
It did seem to me that Killer Fatigue had gotten to Jen in the last episode, and she had checked out of the race already.....remember, this was right after her meltdown at the pool. You could see when they found out they were U-Turned her whole body language said "Screw this".
I was laughing out loud at the translations of the sister's Mandarin at the restaurant. I could have watched "good western head lacks fish" all night.
I also laughed at the Redhead's cab driver when they launched the gnome over the seat at him to show him the bottom and the directions. I don't know how to say "What the hell is that!?!" in Chinese, but I sure know how it looks.
Jaime continues to give the entire nation of China a reason to hate her. (And having a billion people hate you is nothing to sneeze at.) When she snotted "see, this is why I didn't want to go to China. It sucks" I hoped we'd see some of the Chinese government's famed human rights violations whirl into practice right there and then.
Have you noticed that Jaime never blames herself for their performance? They spent 3 hours (!) looking for that clue box and it was right in the Opera House, and yet she never said "how could I be so stupid", she blamed Cara. And of course, the cab drivers. Always the cab drivers. Do you think maybe her shreiking and yelling had anything to do with nobody helping them? No. Couldn't be that.
Cara I am starting to really love. Unfortunately, Cara winning would mean Jaime winning, and that would be no good at all. I think Cara has finally had enough of her partner, witnessed by the WTF look she gave the camera when Jaime was giving out about her. And she rocked that roadblock...I read that she was the fasted racer there, taking only seven minutes. (Jen apparently took 30.)
Favorite Line of the Night: from Margie...."He made me look like Alice Cooper".
Until next week!
As someone with the tiniest bladder in the history of human anatomy, I can totally sympathize with Jen's desperation to get to a toilet. In that state, it's all you can think about, million dollars be damned. But four bottles of water? Damn, no bladder can sustain that enslaught, I don't care who you are.
It did seem to me that Killer Fatigue had gotten to Jen in the last episode, and she had checked out of the race already.....remember, this was right after her meltdown at the pool. You could see when they found out they were U-Turned her whole body language said "Screw this".
I was laughing out loud at the translations of the sister's Mandarin at the restaurant. I could have watched "good western head lacks fish" all night.
I also laughed at the Redhead's cab driver when they launched the gnome over the seat at him to show him the bottom and the directions. I don't know how to say "What the hell is that!?!" in Chinese, but I sure know how it looks.
Jaime continues to give the entire nation of China a reason to hate her. (And having a billion people hate you is nothing to sneeze at.) When she snotted "see, this is why I didn't want to go to China. It sucks" I hoped we'd see some of the Chinese government's famed human rights violations whirl into practice right there and then.
Have you noticed that Jaime never blames herself for their performance? They spent 3 hours (!) looking for that clue box and it was right in the Opera House, and yet she never said "how could I be so stupid", she blamed Cara. And of course, the cab drivers. Always the cab drivers. Do you think maybe her shreiking and yelling had anything to do with nobody helping them? No. Couldn't be that.
Cara I am starting to really love. Unfortunately, Cara winning would mean Jaime winning, and that would be no good at all. I think Cara has finally had enough of her partner, witnessed by the WTF look she gave the camera when Jaime was giving out about her. And she rocked that roadblock...I read that she was the fasted racer there, taking only seven minutes. (Jen apparently took 30.)
Favorite Line of the Night: from Margie...."He made me look like Alice Cooper".
Until next week!
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Maybe Switch to Decaf.
Dear Lady On Her Cell Phone In The Line At Tim Horton's This Morning,
Just to tell you, the rest of us can hear you. Oh, boy, can we hear you.
You may have thought that because we couldn't hear the person on the other end of your inane conversation, that your part was inaudible to us all as well. But I can assure you, you were deafening. And we were trapped. It was excruciating.
For future reference, let me list the Things That Complete Strangers Do Not Want To Know About You: , your dream last night, your last workout routine, what you ate yesterday, how fat you feel today based on your last workout routine and what you ate yesterday, how busy you are ,that girl at the party who talked to your boyfriend and her probable acceptance of anonymous sexual partners in the past and in the future, the relative intelligence and speed of the people working behind the counter at Tim Hortons.
This last one was especially audacious, I thought, because of your heady gamble that the people working behind the counter wouldn't serve you a large double-double with milk and a sneeze ASAP.
Mostly, I think you should know that virtual privacy is not real privacy. Everyone can still hear you, even when you think they shouldn't be listening. So, in the future, could you please dial down the bellowing delivery and the honking laughter? That way we wouldn't have had to plan your violent and immediate death while waiting for our morning coffee. I can assure you, it was exhausting adding that to my "to do" list for the day.
Thank you so much for your consideration, even if I didn't have it at 8:30 this morning.
Sincerely,
Mrs. Loudshoes.
Just to tell you, the rest of us can hear you. Oh, boy, can we hear you.
You may have thought that because we couldn't hear the person on the other end of your inane conversation, that your part was inaudible to us all as well. But I can assure you, you were deafening. And we were trapped. It was excruciating.
For future reference, let me list the Things That Complete Strangers Do Not Want To Know About You: , your dream last night, your last workout routine, what you ate yesterday, how fat you feel today based on your last workout routine and what you ate yesterday, how busy you are ,that girl at the party who talked to your boyfriend and her probable acceptance of anonymous sexual partners in the past and in the future, the relative intelligence and speed of the people working behind the counter at Tim Hortons.
This last one was especially audacious, I thought, because of your heady gamble that the people working behind the counter wouldn't serve you a large double-double with milk and a sneeze ASAP.
Mostly, I think you should know that virtual privacy is not real privacy. Everyone can still hear you, even when you think they shouldn't be listening. So, in the future, could you please dial down the bellowing delivery and the honking laughter? That way we wouldn't have had to plan your violent and immediate death while waiting for our morning coffee. I can assure you, it was exhausting adding that to my "to do" list for the day.
Thank you so much for your consideration, even if I didn't have it at 8:30 this morning.
Sincerely,
Mrs. Loudshoes.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Benefits of Blogging
My friend Carolyn, who has been a long-time Mrs. Loudshoes follower and one-woman PR machine for the blog, e-mailed me last week.
It seems that she read my recent account of the local fly fishing club meeting, and my attendance at it with Big Liver Girl.
Big Liver Girl is much more interested in fly fishing than myself, meaning that she actually goes to casting clinics and forks over real money for equipment. I, on the other hand, as a confirmed dilettante, will happily tag along on any outing, give all activities a go, and will cheerfully keep eveyone else supplied with beer when the going gets tough.
Carolyn's 76 year-old-Italian neighbour came over with some hip waders that she didn't want to store anymore, wondering if Carolyn's sons or husbands, who actually do fish, would know someone who could use them. And because of my blog, they DID! I will be picking up my new equipment this weekend! What luck! (This means that I have aquired a set of golf clubs and hip waders all for free in the past year. Who could have seen that coming??)
So, just in case anyone's interested, we need a new kitchen floor.
It seems that she read my recent account of the local fly fishing club meeting, and my attendance at it with Big Liver Girl.
Big Liver Girl is much more interested in fly fishing than myself, meaning that she actually goes to casting clinics and forks over real money for equipment. I, on the other hand, as a confirmed dilettante, will happily tag along on any outing, give all activities a go, and will cheerfully keep eveyone else supplied with beer when the going gets tough.
Carolyn's 76 year-old-Italian neighbour came over with some hip waders that she didn't want to store anymore, wondering if Carolyn's sons or husbands, who actually do fish, would know someone who could use them. And because of my blog, they DID! I will be picking up my new equipment this weekend! What luck! (This means that I have aquired a set of golf clubs and hip waders all for free in the past year. Who could have seen that coming??)
So, just in case anyone's interested, we need a new kitchen floor.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Amazing Race 14, Ep. 10
Uber-leg!! I didn't see that coming! Thing 1 was very quick, she noticed that there was no greeter with Phil on the mat right away, and when he told Cara and Jaime that they were the first team to arrive, we knew something was up. The look on their faces when he handed them that clue was worth the price of admission alone!
You know, I always liked having my feet massaged, and would do almost anything to have it done. But now on my list of Things In This Life To Avoid, is having a sadistically grinning Chinese lady drive her knuckles into the bottom of my foot and tell me it's beneficial.
And Cara? I'm willing to bet that it's NOT as bad as having a baby. Unless the foot massage goes on for 8 or 12 hours. I really wish we had seen Jaime get that foot massage. That would have been awesome.
Also, note the difference in "support" from the waiting partner: Jen to Keisha: "you can do it, it's almost over, you're doing so well". Jaime to Cara: "If you give up I will hurt you".
Have these guys had to drive themselves at all during this race? It seems like they take a LOT of taxis. Also missing? Drunken locals. Haven't seen any of them since Russia.
Why didn't Tammy and Victor count out their jumps on the diving board before taking off? Wouldn't that have given them a better chance of hitting the water simultaneously?
I enjoyed Victor imitating the Evil Mutant Talking Toes to his sister. Such a big brother...."TA-A-A-A-A-M-M-M-M-M-M-E-E-E-E-E-!"
Even though I've lost a lot of love for Keisha and Jen these past episodes (the whole "patented dumb look" and "me no speaky the English" at the airport) I had a certain sympathy for them at the pool. Jen's meltdown was as much about the Killer Fatigue as it was about getting in the water, and Keisha's patient coaxing and desire to finish the task was admirable. I know I'd have been having my own meltdown right beside my partner if I'd been her.
And Margie's snark at the sisters getting in line ahead of her at the airport? Lame. It's a race. No the Amazing Pre-School;, you get in line first when you get the opportunity to get in line first.
Favorite Part of the Night: Tammy says, laughing, "put everyone else in the back of the plane", and then Jaime and Cara getting off griping "we were in the very last row!"
I was laughing when Victor was having his leg cramp (Not because of the leg cramp, those babies hurt.) but Tammy's business-like "Could you please black out from that excruciating pain while we drive? Just get in the car and you can faint then."
Sigh....I still miss Mike and Mel.
Next week...Jaime is STILL in China, and *surprise* the population has not learned English over the weekend.
You know, I always liked having my feet massaged, and would do almost anything to have it done. But now on my list of Things In This Life To Avoid, is having a sadistically grinning Chinese lady drive her knuckles into the bottom of my foot and tell me it's beneficial.
And Cara? I'm willing to bet that it's NOT as bad as having a baby. Unless the foot massage goes on for 8 or 12 hours. I really wish we had seen Jaime get that foot massage. That would have been awesome.
Also, note the difference in "support" from the waiting partner: Jen to Keisha: "you can do it, it's almost over, you're doing so well". Jaime to Cara: "If you give up I will hurt you".
Have these guys had to drive themselves at all during this race? It seems like they take a LOT of taxis. Also missing? Drunken locals. Haven't seen any of them since Russia.
Why didn't Tammy and Victor count out their jumps on the diving board before taking off? Wouldn't that have given them a better chance of hitting the water simultaneously?
I enjoyed Victor imitating the Evil Mutant Talking Toes to his sister. Such a big brother...."TA-A-A-A-A-M-M-M-M-M-M-E-E-E-E-E-!"
Even though I've lost a lot of love for Keisha and Jen these past episodes (the whole "patented dumb look" and "me no speaky the English" at the airport) I had a certain sympathy for them at the pool. Jen's meltdown was as much about the Killer Fatigue as it was about getting in the water, and Keisha's patient coaxing and desire to finish the task was admirable. I know I'd have been having my own meltdown right beside my partner if I'd been her.
And Margie's snark at the sisters getting in line ahead of her at the airport? Lame. It's a race. No the Amazing Pre-School;, you get in line first when you get the opportunity to get in line first.
Favorite Part of the Night: Tammy says, laughing, "put everyone else in the back of the plane", and then Jaime and Cara getting off griping "we were in the very last row!"
I was laughing when Victor was having his leg cramp (Not because of the leg cramp, those babies hurt.) but Tammy's business-like "Could you please black out from that excruciating pain while we drive? Just get in the car and you can faint then."
Sigh....I still miss Mike and Mel.
Next week...Jaime is STILL in China, and *surprise* the population has not learned English over the weekend.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Green and Mean
Yesterday was Earth Day, and Chez Loudshoes celebrated by not taking a plane anywhere.
Actually, we didn't do anything different than usual, but then again, I think we do our bit all the time anyway. We recycle, we compost, we only have one car and it's not a Hummer. We walk to do most of our errands, and the Mister rides his bike to and from work. (I tried riding my bike once, and I arrived as a sweaty, swearing mess, and it took me ages to sort myself out to be fit to do people's hair...I do have my arms up in the air a lot, after all.) I use boxes instead of bags at the grocery store, we hang the laundry out to dry and the Mister has replaced most of the bulbs in the house with the eco-friendly ones. Now if we could only get our kids to turn out the lights when they leave a room, that would be something, too.
I'm certainly doing my bit to conserve the earth for my children. But honestly? I'm not so sure they want it. Judging by the amount of paper, plastic and other recyclables I seem to fish out of the garbage can that my children have dumped because the blue box is all the way outside, they don't seem to be overly concerned about their future.
I have to admit, and I don't usually do this out loud, but I'm a teensy bit fatigued with the environmental efforts. Waitwaitwait...I'm not saying its a useless cause or not worthwhile, but I am saying that I seem to have been doing my bit for a long time now, and it doesn't appear to be helping at all. I can't recall David Suzuki ever once saying "okay, now that? is way better than it was. Thanks". Besides, I find it hard to get worked up over my using paper towels when the Daytona 500 happens every year without protest. There's no doubt that any effort to improve our impact upon the environment is a good thing, but would it would be nice to hear that something, anything is improving.
I am blessed to be able to live in an area of the world where we have plenty of fresh air and water, and no shortage of parks and lakes and meadows and undisturbed green spaces, and for that I am truly grateful. And I'm also grateful that its all pretty cheap and easy to get at. So I will continue to bottle my own water for work and have a vegetarian meal once a week and clean my windows with vinegar. But I reserve the right to take a plane when I travel long distances....my head exploding because I've been trapped in a car with my family for twenty hours can't be good for the environment either.
Actually, we didn't do anything different than usual, but then again, I think we do our bit all the time anyway. We recycle, we compost, we only have one car and it's not a Hummer. We walk to do most of our errands, and the Mister rides his bike to and from work. (I tried riding my bike once, and I arrived as a sweaty, swearing mess, and it took me ages to sort myself out to be fit to do people's hair...I do have my arms up in the air a lot, after all.) I use boxes instead of bags at the grocery store, we hang the laundry out to dry and the Mister has replaced most of the bulbs in the house with the eco-friendly ones. Now if we could only get our kids to turn out the lights when they leave a room, that would be something, too.
I'm certainly doing my bit to conserve the earth for my children. But honestly? I'm not so sure they want it. Judging by the amount of paper, plastic and other recyclables I seem to fish out of the garbage can that my children have dumped because the blue box is all the way outside, they don't seem to be overly concerned about their future.
I have to admit, and I don't usually do this out loud, but I'm a teensy bit fatigued with the environmental efforts. Waitwaitwait...I'm not saying its a useless cause or not worthwhile, but I am saying that I seem to have been doing my bit for a long time now, and it doesn't appear to be helping at all. I can't recall David Suzuki ever once saying "okay, now that? is way better than it was. Thanks". Besides, I find it hard to get worked up over my using paper towels when the Daytona 500 happens every year without protest. There's no doubt that any effort to improve our impact upon the environment is a good thing, but would it would be nice to hear that something, anything is improving.
I am blessed to be able to live in an area of the world where we have plenty of fresh air and water, and no shortage of parks and lakes and meadows and undisturbed green spaces, and for that I am truly grateful. And I'm also grateful that its all pretty cheap and easy to get at. So I will continue to bottle my own water for work and have a vegetarian meal once a week and clean my windows with vinegar. But I reserve the right to take a plane when I travel long distances....my head exploding because I've been trapped in a car with my family for twenty hours can't be good for the environment either.
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