1. If you leave a whole watermelon at the bottom of the basement stairs for a week, it will look perfectly good until you try to pick it up.
2. When you try to pick it up, your fingers will go right through the rind and it will explode like a water balloon.
3. Rotten watermelon smells like barnyard, watermelon and death.
4. Those Shamwow things don't work for shit.
5. Eat watermelon the day you buy it.