Amazing Race, Unfinished Business Episode 10 and 11

I think this is the first finale ever where it didn't matter to me who won; they were all likeable teams and they all were in the last leg on their own merit. Having said that, when Justin and Zev were out, I really wanted Mallory and Gary to win...but I'm happy Jen and Keish won, too. It was nice to see a low-drama team win it. And how nice was that on Mother's Day?
I'm pretty sure if Mallory had won, though, her head would have actually burst into flames, so I'm glad we didn't have to see that.

It does bother me a bit when the final leg comes down to either dumb luck ("Cabbie Roulette!"or sheer physical strength. I'd rather they had some tasks that required memory or problem solving, like they've had in the past. It seemed like there was very little possibility of anyone actually changing position once they left Miami airport.

Poor Zev, it was a very bad day to be a hairy white boy. (And when does that ever happen?)

That waxing looked incredibly painful.....was there any reason that task was there other than to torture and humiliate the racers? It seemed like it was timed, which meant that there wasn't anyway for anyone to finish faster than anyone else, plus, if you've never had anything waxed before, let me tell you that spreading hot wax on your tender bits and pieces and ripping the hair out by the roots is very close to entering the 10th circle of hell.
Also, having learned to wax people in beauty school, I can tell you those women were Satan's minions.....they didn't trim the hair, they spread it on way too big an area and you're supposed to pull the skin taut and then press down on the area really hard right after the wax is ripped off. Justin is going to have some pretty funky regrowth on that chest of his. Not to mention, itchy.

I did like Justin's use of "Spanish As A Default Foreign Language" in Brazil. And the lady who replied "I don't understand you". I really hope they got to drown their sorrows in those caipirinhas, they looked yummy.

I'm thinking there was no real danger of those boats falling, because that? would have been one expensive episode if they had. Besides, they had the guy beside them guiding them the whole time....do you think he was going to say "let 'er rip" and see what happened? And did I hear Mallory say she and her siblings used to "play on fork lifts all the time?" Because that would have been the Mister's fondest childhood dream come true.

I so want to go to the Underwater Lodge! Those little personalized submarine motorcycles looked insanely delightful! And dont' get me started on the Dali-esque, Looney Toons orchestra down there...a couple of caipirinhas and that place would blow. your. mind.

As a professional hairdresser, I live in fear that Miss Rose's hairdo will actually come into style, because I don't have the first freaking idea of where to start to get that. Defying gravity with hair is a tough gig. And did you see that it barely moved through those gale force winds? I want to know what hairspray Miss Rose is using, that stuff must be bullet-proof.

Kudos to the production team....that overhead shot of the Globetrotters wading up one side of Horseshow Island while Keisha and Jen were heading back on the other side, but neither team could see the other, was a great shot.

That bike ride uphill into the wind looked like a complete bitch of a task.....it's like every nightmare I've ever had come true: I have to get to some goal, I'm absolutely frantically desperate to get there, and no matter what effort I put in, some unseen force is thwarting me in every way possible. I would have seriously considered jumping off that bridge and swimming for it.

Until next season!

Amazing Race, Unfinished Business Episode 10

God, but Kent is an insufferable glittery pink and black nutsack, isn't he? Glad he's gone.
I noticed that when Vyxin said that she was left with the "best partner ever" (or words to that effect), there was a honking horn of doom.....I think the producers don't like Kent any more than I do.
Thing 1 said "Vyxen seems like a sweet girl, but Kent is not a sweet girl."

Hey! The Matterhorn looks just like Mount Crumpet! And I'm pretty sure it is named after that Disneyland ride! It's right beside "Pirates of the Carribean Mountain".

How would you like to have been the guy sitting in a freezing cold, icy crevasse, just waiting for some shreiking amatuers to come and rescue you? I hope they got paid a lot.

That was one sweet ride on those helicopters. I wonder how much that cost the producers.

Thing 1 and I are from Canada: we know how to shovel snow. The trick, in case you are wondering, is to go at it in layers, instead of straight down....that snow that clumps up into big chunks is actually kind of light, if you can take it out chunk by chunk it isn't all that bad. But I don't expect two boys from California, or Gary and Mallory from Kentucky to have the extensive knowledge that we have on the subject.

I really laughed when Gary pulled up half of his avalanche victim and yelled "I think he's gonna make it!"

Kent as a "gangsta" is one of the lamest things I've ever seen. Ever. Ever.

I'm with Mallory: I want to eat that gnome.

Favorite Line of the Night: Jen to Big Easy: "Shut up!", Big Easy: "I thought you liked me!" Jen: "I liked you when you were shuttin' up!"

Loved the St. Bernard. I think every pitstop should have an appropriate animal greeter...think of the camels!

I'm off to make ice cubes in the "oven".

Until next week!

Amazing Race, Unfinished Business Episode 9

Oh, crap on a cracker! I'm so disappointed the Cowboys are out! They looked like they might have been last without that U-Turn, but with the way the leg was designed, there was no way they could catch up with that. I hope the Powers That Be didn't make them eat all that cheese.

That? was a LOT of cheese. Good thing no one is lactose-intolerant. That would have made for a very uncomfortable night. For everyone.

How awful would it have been if Justin and Zev had bailed on the fondue task, only to be U-Turned and have to do it anyway??

I think that shot of Zev looking like he's about to die will be my new desktop.

Why are all the eating tasks accompanied by very loud, very annoying music? Does that make eating a truck load of food harder or easier? Or does every country have a traditional "This Will Make You Puke!" musical institution that I don't know about?

Is map-reading that hard? There seems to always be people on reality shows that cannot read a map....I thought maps were pretty simple, but I guess not. And why would you continually volunteer for tasks that include reading maps when you suck at them? (I'm looking at you, Vyxin.)

Speaking of Vyxin, I wish she would stop calling Kent a "girl". I take offence....I'm a girl and could kick his bony little ass.

I think that was the pissiest we've seen the Globetrotters with each other. When Flight Time lost the two luggage receipts, Big Easy groused for a minute or two, and then they got on with it. Contrast that to Kent's "Neverending Song of Pain". God, that man (and I use the term loosely) could enter the Olympics if "Whining" was an event.

Thing 1 and I looked at each other with absolute HORROR when we found out what Gary and Mallory had to to on the Speedbump. We are both terrible at mental math, and if you add in a bit of stress and a smidgen of sleep-deprivation, neither of us could have figured that out even with a calculator and a tutorial. I think we would have probably just lay down on the road and wept. Let me sit on an ice chair for 10 minutes any day.

Next week: It looks like Kent is going to get his ass handed to him by Big Easy! Can't wait!

Until next week!

Amazing Race, Unfinished Business Episode 8

I figured this might be a Non-Elimination Leg when it was almost a quarter to 8 last night and they still hadn't done a Roadblock. And that really was not much of a roadblock....other than fitting into those cute little outfits, there wasn't much to do.

I'm thrilled Gary and Mallory are still in this; I freaking love those two. Anyone who offers to throw up what she ate and take another stab at downing another portion has my undying respect.

Apparently, there is only one travel agency in Varansi, India. I'll bet that's the most business they've ever done at 3:00 in the morning.

Kent really is Mayor McWhinerson of Bellache Town, isn't he? That was one big ol' snivelfest, right there. I don't think the Amazing Editors like him very much either, they way they put together that audio montage of "Kent In Pain". Maybe they could auto-tune that and make it into a hit record. "It's gonna faaaaaallll, it's gonna faaaaallll"

I think I may have figured out Kent and Vyxin's relationship.....she says "we have a romantic relationship that's different from others", (which is one way of putting it, I guess) and he can't tell a woman apart from a man. He kept calling the "chick from Harry Potter" (thanks, Justin!) "him", so I think that goes a long way to explaining his attraction to Vyxin. And she's just whack-a-doo.

Speaking of Vyxin, it looks like she did not succumb to terminal e-coli poisining from her little dip in the Ganges. Maybe she bitched the bacteria right out of her system.

Dear Flight Time: A library is not a urinal. Just to tell you. Love, Mrs. Loudshoes.

Man, would Ron have loved that food challenge, or what?? Except he wouldn't have been too fast about it, and certainly wouldn't have managed to shut up long enough to finish in 12 minutes. It did look like a LOT of food for 12 minutes....I wonder if anyone could have done it?

I kept waiting for someone, anyone, during that couch carrying task to yell "PIVOT!" at some point. Because I'd have done so. A lot.

I was so hoping that the Roadblock in Salzburg would include making play clothes out of drapes, singing "Do, A Deer" and finding children hanging out of trees. Or maybe they should have had to solve a problem like Maria! I wonder if that greeter was one of the Von Trapp Family Singers.

Why did Zev and Justin's new cars have Michigan licence plates? Are they supposed to drive them back to the States and then live in Michigan? I don't get it.
Who the hell was talking when they were telling us what's going to happen next week? Because that was SO not Phil.....I was so distracted by the Not Phil voice that I hardly noticed what was going to happen next week. But let me guess: Mallory jumps up and down with excitement about their next task, the Cowboys drive slowly so they don't get lost and Vyxin and Kent caterwaul endlessly about each other.

Until next week!

Amazing Race, Unfinished Business Episode 7

Ron was so over this race; or else he had some sort of hunger-based dementia on this leg. He seemed to be in a completely different area of the city from the rest of the racers. Only Ron could convince himself that the producer-placed holy men decided to take a breather and go for a swim. When did Kent turn into such a bitch? Apparently "I won't screw you over" actually means "I will turn on you at the first opportunity that is convenient for me". Gary needs a "Kent to English Dictionary". ("Dick" being the operative word there.) Also, Kenty, it's not the cab driver's fault you bonked your noggin. He's busy working, not babysitting you. I really enjoyed the return to Asthmatic Hamster Kent (last seen in Italy a few seasons back), where Kent tries to yell at Vyxen and it comes out all panicky and breathless. "Get out of that water right now" sounded like an exasperated mother of an sugar-crazed toddler. I think Vyxen was just as surprised as anyone else that that water was way deeper than she thought. Except for the guys on the bank; did you see that NONE of them even moved when she went under? I hope she gets some intravenous antibiotics and a metric tonne of Imodium back at the hotel....she's going to need it. Dear Anonymous Varanasi Cab Passenger, Not all North Americans dress like freaks and shout like banshees. Please do not think that the rest of us would demand you leave your cab, or wear circus costumes while doing it. Love, The Rest of Us Here In The West. I love Mallory. I officially love her. She is all kinds of fabulous, even if she does make me want to give her some Ritalin now and again. She seemed genuinely moved by the cremations on the water's edge, and she has embraced the culture shock of India (which had proven in the past to be Kriptonite to other Racers.) Plus, she sussed out Kent's petty little betrayal very quickly. I was delighted that she and Gary arrived at the mat before the Goths. Kudos to all of them, they all seemed to handle India without blaming India for itself. Can you imagine Jaime in that place? Zev, I don't have Aspberger's and I hate loud noises too. There were parts of DisneyWorld that made me feel like I'd wished I'd brought ear plugs, and I'll bet that didn't smell like India. The gang of buffalo thugs in the alley, mugging Justin for his hay was hilarious. I really liked the way Minature Indian Woman kicked the ass of those patty-makers. She used that stick to pull those ill-made patties off the wall like she's done it plenty before. The Cowboys have such a lovely attitude....they see their mistakes and then put their heads down and get the job done. Nice to see a team who does not snark on each other when things get tense. And you sure never saw either one of them jump in the Ganges. I like that they went half way around the world and still had to haul hay. I think the title for this episode should have been "Anorexic Santas". In fact, that is my new Imaginary Band Name! Favorite Line of the Night: "In India, when you push the gas, the horn goes." You know, at this point, I'd be happy enough with just about anyone winning this thing, except Kent and Vyxen. Next week: It looks like Gary and Mallory have to eat an entire veal. Until next week!

Amazing Race, Unfinished Business Episode 6

Watching with Thing 1 last night, we both agreed that if a task was ever "too hard" the other one would console her and comfort her and then remind her that this was on national television and her curling up on the floor and crying would be on YouTube forever. If eternal embarrasment didn't work, then a sound ass-kicking would commence. We've got it all worked out. I did have a bit of sympathy for the racers when I saw all that tea....I have the teeny tiniest bladder God ever made and I had to go to the bathroom just looking at that table of ten thousand tea cups. Hopefully, Thing 1 would have done it. But, it wasn't TOO hard, because a bunch of other people did it.....Flight Time definitely looked like he wanted to throw up, but he just put his head down and got on with it. Luke's downfall on both his seasons of the race was his getting completley overwhelmed by his own frustrations, and then focusing on that instead of the task at hand. Somehow I thought if anyone would lie down and cry on this race, it would be Kent. I think this is the first Amazing Race where they've gone to India and NO ONE has complained about the smell or has been overwhelmed by the crowds and the culture shock. Mallory even seemed to enjoy it. Of course, India's not over yet. Cab drivers in India are whack-a-doo. Apparently they are all competing in some sort of race for a million ruppees and are willing to die in the attempt. Wait a minute..... I really liked Zev's slammin', silky, tea-tasting pajamas. Apparently he tweeted after the show: "Lotsa peeps asking why the silver pajamas...the answer: BECAUSE THEY'RE AWESOME." He's dead right, they are awesome. But you really shouldn't break other people's tea cups, Zev, because that's not yours. Who knew that "disco music" was the key to Ron's soul? Here he's been whining and grumping his way all around the world, and it all could have been so much better with a Bee-Gee's soundtrack. I'm sorry, but that Indian music would have driven me crazy....for some reason that stuff goes right to the base of my brain stem and drowns out any other thought....its' like musical Dementors for me. We used to eat at a particular Indian restaurant here in town that had the most nasally, piercing music....loved the food but had to stop going because I'd be in such a funk by the time we'd eaten. I loved them all messing with Mallory at the Town Hall gate, and her good natured "I hate y'all!". It's nice to see a race where they all seem to like each other and there's not a lot of sniping and bitching about other teams. Of course Kent and Vyxyn were good at painting a statue of Ganesh; those two have the most weirdly diverse and transferable skills I think I've ever seen since Grandpa Don. ("I used to do my own dental work! I know how to mine gold! When I was a kid, we always made our own car batteries!") How much did I love the guys in the funny red hats at the tea-tasting? They were fabulous...from their clear "WTF" faces at Luke breaking down to their obvious sympathy and relief when he finished, those guys were all kinds of awesome. I liked that Margie thanked them and hugged them too. And watching Jaime (and to a lesser extent) Cara get eliminated never gets old for me. And you know what? I like everyone left...it will be hard to see the next couple of weeks, because I don't really want anyone out and I'd be happy to see any of the teams left win. Mrs. Loudshoes is going to have to work very hard to get her snark on. Until next week!

Amazing Race, Unfinished Business Episode 4

Excellent episode! Dinosaurs! Wacky native costumes! Cab drama! If only there had been donkeys and drunken, laughing locals!

Jamie and Cara being U-Turned right in front of their faces was, hands down, the best thing I think I've ever seen on this show. Ever, ever. It was a huge big steaming pile of awesome. I will love Kent and Vyxen forever for that, even if she can't read a compass and he wears too much lipgloss. And that's exactly who you do U-Turn: the team you know is behind you, not the team how's already passed you, like last time. And the double U-Turn meant that they would U-Turn someone, ensuring that there would be two teams behind them slowed down....that Kent is wiley like a coyote, I tell you.
I'm kind of sorry not to be able to see Jamie in India, though. That would have been all kinds of fun, watching her head burst into flames.

Did you notice Jamie on the mat saying "things never go our way". Really? I'm sure the people in Japan trying to prevent a nuclear meltdown in the midst of more earthquakes are having a picnic in comparison to you.

Meanwhile, Ron is still a tool.

I think that's the snottiest I've seen Mallory in two seasons of racing....her "Fine. Now!" was like watching a kitten have a tantrum.

That dinosaur model looked tough....neither Thing 1 or I wanted to take that one! My nephew got a little one of those for Christmas once, and it took several people with a bunch of university degrees to figure that stupid thing out. And we didn't have to worry about falling off any ladders.
Thank GOD I didn't have to watch Mel and Mike do that one....I wouldn't have been able to stand it.

I liked when the Globetrotters were trying to figure out the doll order, and they memorized it with "skunk, bucket, mop..." Because that's exactly how I would do it, too!
Also, I loved when Zev and Justin picked the top bunk on the train (Which looked to be about 40 feet up) to avoid being murdered easily.....that's the way I think, too!! To this day, I don't stay on a hotel floor above the 9th, because my mother told me that's as high as the firetruck ladders can reach. See? I'm always thinking.

What was with the unneccesary but ghastly close-up of the ginormous Chinese spider?

So, Kent knew the periodic table a few weeks ago, and now confesses a working knowledge of dinosaurs? Methinks all the eyeliner and pink lipstick is to cover up what a massive adorkable science nerd he really is.

Favorite Line of the Night: when they were playing basketball (which I loved!) and Jet said that playing with Big Easy was "like playing against a tree."
Also, I liked Justin's improve in trying to convey Stone Forest to the cabbie by picking up a rock and pointing to a tree. Maybe not the most effective communication, but he gets props for creativity.

The girls and I had a 90 minute drive to get to Fort Myers to catch a flight last week, and we had hours in which to do it. And I was stressed about it all the night before. It really does bring home to you what kind of tension these guys deal with for weeks at a time. No wonder Killer Fatigue takes such a round out of them.

Next week: India! India is kryptonite for Racers! No country has eaten more racers alive than India!
Looks like Luke turns on the waterworks again. I'm sure Ron will be all kinds of sympathetic.

Amazing Race, Unfinished Business Episode 3

As I was tiring of the whole "When Will Mel Actually Die" story arc, seeing he and Mike go home doesn't bother me too much. It was bad enough that Mel seemed to be struggling every single step of the way, but watching Mike wring his hands and sound like Olive Oyl all day long was getting on my last nerve. And just a side note, how come Mike looks as old as his dad?

Rules of the Race # 17: NEVER, EVER pick a connecting flight over a direct flight. Unless of course, the connecting flight is 12 hours or more ahead of the direct flight. Or the movies are really good.
Also? A Needle in a Haystack option relies too much on luck, I'd always pick the more physically challenging but faster option. Just sayin.

I had no idea that Christina and Azaria were a couple. Of course, if I recall correctly, he was an overbearing, bossy turdwagon who never listened to his racing partner and told her she was doing everything wrong all the time. Kind of like Ron, so, okay.

Speaking of Ron, I think Zev is not the only racer with Aspberger's. In fact, I think Zev is more socially capable and functions with a tad more awareness and sensitivity than Ron ever has.

As much as I thought Christina sounded like she was tattling on the Globetrotters to Phil, I guess I have to give her some slack because she has to listen to Ron all the live long day. Can you imagine that car ride from the waterfall to the pitstop??? No doubt it was Ron complaining and bitching all. the. freaking. way. to the only person who was just as freaked out as he was about it. Ron reminds me of my old band leader in high school, who yelled at all of us that showed up for practice about the lazy ass ones who didn't show up.....I'm sure Christina got everything he wanted to say to the Globetrotters, and then some.

I was kind of disappointed in Jaime during the little car accident incident; I was kind of looking forward to her head actually bursting into flames right there on the Tokyo sidewalk. But she handled everything far more calmly and patiently than predicited, and I didn't get to see her spontaneously combust. Of course, she did have to snot that the guy was making a big deal out of things, but seriously, maybe the laws are different in Japan than what you're used to, it could be a company car, the guy might have already had issues with his insurance company, maybe it's a freaking expensive mirror, who knows; his mirror, his call on how to handle it.

Favorite Line of the Night: Justin: "We're a team". Zev: "Don't touch me."

I just want to tell Jaime and Cara that panda are Chinese, not Japanse.

Was it just the channel we were watching, or did everybody get that weird echoing sound on the "Next week on" previews? Because it sounded like Phil was announcing that from Pluto.

Until next week!

Amazing Race, Unfinished Business Episode 1

This is the eighteenth season of this show, and it still manages to have me on the edge of my seat and not knowing what will happen next....how do they do that??

So glad to see Kynt and Vyxyn again, and the Globetrotters, Justin and Zev and of course, the Cowboys. Not to happy to see Ron the Poophead and Christina the Wearily Patient. And, sigh, I really hope I don't have to listen to Jaime bitch her way around the world again. From snarking at the boat guys to hurry it up when they flipped the skiff, to her screeching "off my foot! off my foot!", I'm tired of her already.

Glad to see Big Easy cared if the heart attack patient lived or died. If anyone else thought that, they didn't mention it.

I'm pretty sure those sharks were well fed and drugged....they didn't look too interested in eating anybody. The turtle looked way scarier. Holy moley! even I ducked when that stingray the size of a minivan swam over Jen's head! Goth makeup does not seem to fare well in a shark tank.

Nice to see the Cowboys took the class "Spanish: the International Language of Foreign Places". They said "gracias" quite a few times, which is probably more helpful in South America or the Carribean than in Australia. As far as I know, the Spanish never had much of a foothold in Sydney.

Thank You Amazing Editors: John "Amanda's really good at puzzles", Amanda: "What?"

Kynt definitely slapped the beach-greeter on the ass. I rewound it to check.

Mallory and Jen both started the flag challenge with "okay, that's a triangle...", which clearly looked like a diamond to me. Was there some sort of International Conference on Changing The Name of Every Day Shapes that I missed?

The look on Mallory's face when Phil told them they were still running was priceless! They should put a picture of that in the dictionary under the word "gobsmacked". She looked a lot like the kid in "Home Alone" when she did that. I had to laugh when Phil told her to stop talking and start running.

Next week: old people have a bad day.

Until next week!