Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Deck the Malls.

I'm pretty sure that if I'm ever involved in an international incident, or charged with assault causing bodily harm, it will involve Christmas shopping. Or, more specifically, Christmas shoppers.

The girls and I went to the mall on Sunday...I know, I know, a terrible idea for someone as adverse to crowds and noise as I. But the girls don't drive and I do, so to the mall it was. Also, Thing 2 wanted some ideas as to what to get me for Christmas; I certainly had no intention of thwarting that particular plan.

The most egregious Christmas shopping transgressions:
  • Shouldn't the rules of the road apply when walking as well as driving? When you are operating a motor vehicle on a busy street, do you EVER stop in the middle of the road and just stay there? Or spin around and start driving in the complete opposite direction? Because people do that when they are walking in the mall all the time. It makes me want to bash right into them.
  • Multiple Choice Question: The top of the escalator is the worst possible place to A) take out your cell phone and start texting, B) have a chat with eight of your best friends, C) stop and carefully take in your surroundings and have a long, slow thought about where to go next. Answer: ALL OF THE ABOVE!
  • Retail store clerks are paid minimum wage, get one day off at Christmas and hate you. They are not about to perform a Christmas miracle and circumvent store policy and give their manager an opportunity to yell at them because they let you use an expired 10% off coupon. They just want you to go away. As do the rest of us waiting in line.
  • Get off your cell phone when dealing with a cashier. It's abhorrently rude to keep chatting to your friend about "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" when dealing with another human being.
  • See all those people patiently standing in an orderly fashion near the check out? It's called a "line" and you should join the end of it. They are not just abnormally motionless people with admirable serenity.
  • A stroller is not a weapon.

Maybe they should hand this out in a pamplet at the mall. I know I'd appreciate it.


Jude said...

Mall Rules....I like the idea.

Carolyn said...

Loved your mall rules. Having worked as a cashier in a sports store in my youth, I had to grow a thick skin when dealing with rude customers (especially at Christmas time) who heaped abuse on me for every perceivable sin committed by the store chain. I finally got smart and started giving them the head office address and asked them to contact the company directly, as employee concerns were not taken as seriously as those that came from customers. That always shut the complainers up.

BTW, word verification for this comment was perfect: gonsane