Thursday, July 3, 2008

Things I Don't Get.

I understand how big metal planes stay up in the sky, and I also understand how a bill becomes a law, and I get that stealing is wrong, but the following confound me:

Billy Holiday Everyone else seems to think her voice is soulful and poignant and expressive, but I just think she's nasal and whiny.

Jack Nicholson Why is he considered a great actor? He plays the same guy in every movie, namely, Jack Nicholson. Skeevy and pervy and slimy, he creeps me right out. And I hate those stupid sunglasses.

Blue Cheese. Tastes like feet. When they put blue cheese sauce all over chicken wings, I wonder why they don't just vomit on them.

How Members Of My Family Can Walk Past An Eyewateringly Stinky Garbage Pail, And Ignore It.

Watching Any Motor Sport. How is driving a car a sport anyway? The entertainment factor of watching someone else drive something around and around eludes me utterly. I don't even really want to drive that thing around myself, let alone watch someone else do it.

Poutine Normally, I'd be all over something that combines hot carbohydrates with copious amounts of fat, in fact, I spent all kinds of time scheming to get as much of that as possible, but poutine turns me right off. Maybe it's the gravy factor, but I hate that stuff so much, I can barely watch anyone else eat it.

Fanatical, Passionate Interest In Any Professional Sports Team. You know you're not actually on the team, right? And that you have nothing to do with whether or not they win or lose. And that the people who are on the team don't give a hoot if you cheer them on from your living room or not. And also? It doesn't matter AT ALL who wins anything. Ever.

How Toby The Cat Has Not Cottoned On To the Fact That the Humans Do Not Want To Play At 5 in the Morning. How many times does that cat have to get sprayed with water before he figures that one out?

Why Movie Theaters Are SO LOUD. Do they think I'm in another room? Because I'm right there, I can hear it. They don't have to crank it up so that my ears ring for an hour afterwards.

Baseball Hats Worn Backwards. It instantly takes off 10 points from the wearer's IQ. Double that if worn with pigtails. Everyone who does it looks like an idiot.

The Tony Awards On TV. The Tony awards are given to Broadway shows. Unless I've been to New York to see one of them, why would I want to see who wins what?

Hummers. Big, ugly and they inhale gasoline. What's to love? Did I mention ugly?

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