Things The Cat Would Do Well To Remember

1. Standing in the middle of the driveway when the van is being driven into it is a Very Bad Idea.
2. Flopping around on the floor exposing your belly invites people to touch it. If you do not like your belly touched, you should keep it hidden.
3. The second step from the top is a bad place to "hang out".
4. The computer monitor is not there simply to provide a lovely back light for one's tail.
5. The shower sprays water. Yes, every time.
6. Every can does not contain tuna. That means that every time a can is opened, it may not be tuna.
7. Those big, smelly black and white "cats" outside at night do NOT like to play.
8. The bed belongs to the humans. The cat is a guest. Not the other way around.
9. The garbage bags have never done you a bit of harm. There is no need to freak out when one of them is snapped open.
10. One can live perfectly well without ever climbing the curtains.
11. A closed door is not a challenge.
12. Even if you creep up very, very slowly, someone is still bound to notice you trying to share their yogurt.
13. Balancing all four paws on someone's full bladder is strongly discouraged.
14. Yawning does not have to be a full-body activity.