Let Me Whisper In Your Ear.

I'm sure there are many things that come out of my mouth that make the Mister wonder what he ever saw in me, but mostly, he keeps that reaction pretty much to himself.
Occasionally, I will say something that makes him stop in his tracks and look at me as though he has never before seen me in his life, and he's not at all happy to be looking at me right now, either. Again, he manages to keep that look to a fleeting nanosecond or so.
But I regularly start a sentance with a phrase that makes him actually shudder with horror, and he is entirely unable to conceal his utter despair. It doesn't matter if these are directed at him nor not. In fact, some of them are worse when they are spoken in public. They include:

• "I was watching Oprah today..."
• "You know, we really have to do something with that bathroom/roof/garden...." (Because he knows "we" means "you".)
• "Here, hold my beer and watch this...."
• "I have had it! Where is the big saw?"
• "Don't take this the wrong way, but...."
• " I don't see why you can't..."
• "Hey, you know what you should do?"
• "There is a sale on Tupperware at Wal-Mart"
• "The van sounds like it has tuberculosis"
• "Is it important when the computer tell me it has a virus?"
• "Seriously, are you happy?" (This last one makes him groan out loud, because I usually utter it non-stop after hearing the news that one of our friends marriages has fallen apart. I spend the next week or so ensuring that I will not be that wife who is taken by surprise that her husband was secretly miserable and plotting his slick departure for months before she knew. This goes on until I say something like "are you sure you want to stay married to me" and he eventuallly replies "I was until you started this up again". And then I'm good until another union we know goes belly-up.)

He's a rare gem.