Driving Miss Crazy

Dear Lady In The Car Ahead of Me This Morning.

Apparently it is "Drive Very Slowly In Front Of Mrs. Loudshoes" Day today, and I didn't get the memo. Everyone else, it would seem, has gotten it, and has joined into the spirit of the day with a collaborative effort that would be incredibly impressive if it wasn't so damn frustrating. But you? Your effort went way beyond what anyone could have ever expected. Especially me.

You are to be commended for your diligence in following the suggested speed limit. Because it is merely a suggestion, isn't it? No one could be expected to drive at the heady frontier of the speed limit, could they? You drove at a prudent 10 kilometers under the limit all the way along, preventing me from all sorts of incalculable dangers, and also, from getting where I wanted to go.

I have to appreciate your keen and prudent behavior at the four-way stops all along St. George street, of which there are many. Not only did you come to a full and complete stop at every single stop sign, as they no doubt taught you in driver's ed, but you also insured that there was no one else at the stop signs with impressive care. You looked to your right, and then to your left, and then to your right again. And then to the left again, and then to the right again, just in case a transport truck materialized out of nowhere in the nanosecond your head was turned.

There was no running yellow lights for you, no siree. In fact, you balked at running green lights, as well. Just as we came within a hundred feet of a green light, you sagely put your foot firmly on the brakes, just in case the light were to turn any time soon. And if you went slowly enough, they were all bound to turn sooner or later, weren't they?

If you wondered why I didn't pass you at any point, believe me, it was not for lack of trying. However, your habit of driving with your left tire on the middle line, or indeed, a foot into my lane, rendered that idea moot pretty quickly.

I realize that "Driving Slowly In Front Of Mrs. Loudshoes Day" is a treat for everyone, barring myself, so I hope that I get the memo when it's time for "Drive Slowly In Front Of The Annoying Lady" Day. Except, I don't think you would notice when that day came.