Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Weird Little Rules

The universe is administered by some rules that are so tiny but so all-encompassing that you probably don't even realize that they are there. But they are. These aren't Murphy's Laws, just Laws of the Universe:
  • Hot drinks taste better out of white mugs with thin rims. Orange or yellow mugs with big, honking thick rims are worse than useless.
  • It is more fun to bite into a triangle than a square.
  • If there is a towel or a piece of paper on the floor, a cat will have to sit on it.
  • Reading in the bath sounds luxurious, but it isn't. Smoking in the bath is even worse. They do it all the time in old movies, but it's way more stressful than it's worth, and the towels stink.
  • You're not hungry until you see someone else eating, especially if it's pizza.
  • It is much nicer to get into a made bed, even if you just made it immediately before you got into it.
  • It is very disappointing to bite into something peppermint. Other than toothpaste and gum, there's not much need for anything to be peppermint.
  • All cold drinks taste better in a tall slim glass, rather than a short stubby one.
  • If your teeth hurt or your feet hurt, you really can't think about anything else.
  • A little too much salt is WAY too much salt. Not so for sugar.
  • You remember someone who's rude way more than someone who is nice.
  • Being too cold is way worse than being too warm.
  • Cat breath isn't nearly as bad as dog breath.
  • At least once a day you will find yourself thinking about something and then think "what the hell made me think of that?".
  • Even the most mundane picture looks more "profound" when it has a frame around it.
  • The sound of your own voice recorded sounds just awful to you.
  • It is actually possible to put too much garlic in something: Chocolate ice cream
  • You never run out of salt.
  • Singing in the car isn't nearly as much fun when there's someone else in there with you.


Big Liver Girl said...

hellooo... have you never had a mint smoothie? (I mean the Rea Thompson variety?)

and we USED to run out of salt... often.... until the LIST.

hey did you know you can do math in the address bar of google??? Do kids know this?

Mrs. Loudshoes said...

Yes, I have had a mint smoothie, and, as I particularly despise chocolate and mint together, they are singularly discouraging.

Erin said...

I agree with ALL your rules. Especially that you should only drink tea in a white mug...never coloured. I suppose the outside could be colour but the inside must be white for it to taste good. My mother taught me this rule and I heartily agree. I have to agree with Big Liver that a Rheo Thompson mint smoothie is as about as close to heavenly chocolate as you're gonna get...but I digress. The rest you said was extremely profound. I love your blog.