Realistic Resolutions

It's a very nice idea to start the New Year with a clean slate, an fresh start to a fresh year. I don't usually make New Year's resolutions; why wait until an arbitrary date to start something beneficial or end something I shouldn't be doing anyway? I have made some in the past, and stuck to them too, but usually I forget that I've made them until it's "too late" and then I just trash them.

This year is going to be different, though; this year I'm going to make the kind of resolutions that will be easy to keep:

• Watch more television. I don't have nearly enough trash in my life....watching reality tv with no redeeming values makes me very glad that I live the life I do.
• Spend more time on the computer. Instead of berating myself for all the time I spend watching YouTube or seeing what everyone else thought of last night's "America's Next Top Model", I'm going to embrace my indulgence and think of it as research towards my master's degree in pop culture's influence on modern society.
• Eat whatever the hell I like. I've got loads of time before the Type 2 diabetes and heart failure show up.
• Yell at stupid people in malls and parking lots. They deserve to know that their behaviour is doing them no favors. I'm performing a public service, really.
• Wear my pajamas out in public. Nobody's looking at me anyway.
• Stop exercising altogether. Oh, wait, I do that one anyway. Nothing new.
• Sing out loud, no matter what my children say.
• Stop putting everything back where it belongs. I'm going to follow my family's example and leave things wherever they happen to fall. Such a waste of time organizing and being predictable.
• Forget about the RRSPs. I'm going to Vegas.
• Fiber is for wimps. I'm going to declare that jam counts as a serving of fruit.
• Start smoking again. I looked so cool.

No doubt I will forget these resolutions, too. Which is probably good.