Friday, April 29, 2011

April 29th 2011

I so did not have the same kind of day as Kate Middleton.

While Kate Middleton was walking down the aisle of Westminster Abbey, in a beautiful lace gown to marry a prince of the realm, I was out in the breezeway, in my bathrobe, slippers and some rubber gloves, cleaning up the debris from the raccoon's evident raucous party in the garbage bins. She was smiling and looking radiant. I looked like I'd escaped from the "Home for the Frenzied Bedridden" and cursing enthusiastically.

Later, when she was quietly and solemly declaring her vows, I was boarding a rickety school bus to accompany Thing 2's class on a field trip, a "War of 1812" re-enactment and workshop.

Kate Middleton was signing the Registry with her new name, and curtseying to the Queen. I was freezing my ass off in a a field while listening to a guy with nothing better to do than to pretend to fight a war that was over almost 200 years ago. A guy who was so enthusiasticaly and graphically demonstrated how a field surgeon would amputate an injured leg that it bordered on the disturbing. I'm not kidding; he used a leg of pork (God, I hope it was pork!) as an audio-visual aid and believe me, I've memorized his face for when I have to testify at his inevitable trial at some point. Apparently, someone fainted earlier in the day.

It was so freaking cold I very nearly stood in front of the cannon.

While Kate got to dine on whatever Royals dine on at luncheon (probably quails eggs and diamonds and corgis) I ate my lunch in an picnic shelter with no walls and a gale force wind out of the north. Except I forgot my lunch, and had to eat a granola bar I found in my purse, and a few Goldfish crackers and a Pop Tart from Thing 2's lunch. (Note to self: Do NOT let Thing 2 pack her own lunch from now on.)

No matter how nice her day was, and how decidedly NOT nice my day was, I still don't envy her marrying into that family.

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