Wednesday, April 23, 2008

N Minus 1

More from my guest blogger, who really deserves her own blog, because she is so good, but who saves my butt regularly, and to whom I am most grateful she does not. Thanks, Wendy!!!


This "not so bad now is it?" principle is also extremely useful when applied to child behaviour management - known in these parts as the "n-1" phenomenon. That means having one less of anything makes a world of difference. It doesn't matter if its one child of two sleeping over at grandmas making life is a breeze. Or one kid missing from a swimming lesson of eight... the counting of heads and supporting of backfloats seems a hundred times easier.

If my four children ever seemed like a handful and I was ready to sell a few off to scientific experiments... I simply hosted a family party or a mother's coffee group which brought an onslaught of rugrats into my space. Strong medicine for sure when endured for 2- 4 hours. But the collective sigh of relief when the house is left once more to my tiny little nuclear family of six is absolutely profound. The quiet is palpable, the requirements of my charges seem a pleasure in contrast to the high maintenance crap you go through for other people's kids. oh - you don't drink milk? only juice? you need your grapes aerosolized so you won't choke? no nuts for you? no texture at all for you? no sauce for you? extra icing and all the smarties for you? you want the piece with the letter of your first name in icing on it - from the middle of the cake? GO HOME!

Sleepovers simply extend the experiment and the dreamy quiet of returning to a normal family size is also consequently as I enjoy the first Saturday morning without extra people here, and then the first lunch etc. etc. Ever spoken to a grandparent fresh off babysitting duty? Once they've had a nap and a strong scotch - all those aches and pains no longer exist. They can jump and click their heels for the freedom of getting into the car lithely on their own without any searching for a soother, or negotiating with the tether straps of the new world of safety devices. Give them their normal life back and its a piece of cake!

Husbands know all about the n-1. Just watch them after a newborn enters the family. SURE I'll take the toddler. (the same toddler who required two parents to manage her in a Walmart the week prior to the baby being born) I'll take her to the moon for a week - as long as I don't have to touch that screaming tiny thing. PLEASE don't leave me with the baby! Or when the fourth is born. "No Problem, honey! I'll bike to the market with two toddlers and a reckless preschooler and pick up all the groceries... just don't leave me with the baby!

The principle is well documented. If you want four kids to seem easy? Have five!

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