Plotting Against The Cat.

Now that it is officially spring, and there is little danger of freezing to death for the time being, we can have the windows open at night. The Mister would happily keep all the windows closed all year round, and never, ever open a blind or a curtain, but I open the windows at the first opportunity, and don't close them again until I have to.

Toby is a BIG fan of open windows. It means that he can sit comfortably in the sill and survey the estate much more effectively, and spends most of the night doing just that. Of course, that also means that he is on "Security Patrol" all night, too, and feels the need to alert us to every possible breach in our perimeter that occurs, no matter what the threat. Toby sees no difference between the menace that is a raccoon or the paper boy or an axe-murderer. In fact, I'm pretty sure he sees the raccon as the most dangerous of all. He wakes us up a couple of times a night with the news that there is something nearby that will either slaughter us all in our beds, or will get into the garbage. And then, while the rest of us have to get up and deal with the day, Toby has a nice, long, eight-hour nap.

The Mister and I have devised a plan to keep Toby so tired that he will sleep all night. Every time one of us passes him when he's sleeping, we give him a poke or a shake, to make sure he never really gets down to a deep sleep. Also, we keep him outside, because he can't help but start at every little noise. We did this yesterday, and it worked pretty well; Toby didn't wake us up until about 5, when the Squawky Bird Variety Hour started. The Mister got way too much satisfaction out of waking up the cat all day, in my opinion, it seemed amuse him more than it should have. As you can imagine, Toby is not a fan of this new strategy, and if he could talk, would surely mutter some choice words in our direction. Here are pictures of me in action. Doesn't Toby look amused?

As much as I appreciate Toby's diligence and dedication, I really couldn't care less who's in the backyard at 3 a.m. If it is an axe-murderer, then years of watching horror movies has shown me that he won't be interested in me unless I am wearing a prom dress. And if it's a raccon, I also know that it is much more devoted to getting into that garbage than I am in keeping it out. And if it's a skunk, I'm rolling over and leaving it the hell alone, advice that Toby should take to heart.