Things I Do....

That Are Genius:
1. Buy things in twos.....If I have to buy something that I don't normally buy, like batteries or scotch tape or mascara, I buy two so that we don't run out so easily. When I go to use the second one, I buy two more. This has saved my butt many, many a time.

2. Put a lump of cream cheese in scrambled eggs....You would not believe the difference this makes! You can't taste the cream cheese, but it makes them so much richer and silkier. About a teaspoon per egg should do it; drop it in at the beginning and scramble as usual.

3. Plan the weeks meals.....lest you think I am an anal-retentive, Martha Stewart wanna-be, let me assure you that this is about the only area of my life where I am zealously organized. I check the calendar, to see what our week's obligations are, check the fliers for deals and plan the weeks dinners accordingly. Before I did this, I went to the grocery store 5 times a week and spent 75 bucks every time. "But what if you don't feel like eating that?", I hear you whine....well, then, we don't eat that; it's not cast in stone.

4. I keep a list from year to year about what to pack for the cottage......complete with notes like "don't bother bringing panini maker" and "next year: more chocolate and chips".

5. In the spring, I write on the calendar who needs winter boots and new jackets for October.....Have you ever tried to buy kids winter boots in December? Good luck with that. For some reason retailers make it impossible to buy anything in the season in which you actually would use it. Bathing suits in August? Of course not! But we had plenty in March!

6. I always send Thank You notes.....my mother is a demon for sending thank-yous, and has instilled in me a dire foreboding of not fulfilling this obligation; all manner of skies will fall on my head if I fail to send a thank you note. And you know what? I've had all sorts of good things happen because of that habit...not once has anyone said "I hated your thank-you note and I will despise you forever for sending it". Quite the opposite.

7. I wind the shoelace twice around the loop twice, so they rarely come untied.

8. Make all my computer password so that I can type them in using only one hand; that way when I have a liquifying cat on my lap, I can hold him and get on the internet at the same time.

Things That I Do That Are Idiotic:

1. I keep buying kitchen gadgets, even though experience has taught me that I will be selling them for 10% of their value at my next garage sale. I currently have a milkshake maker, a clay baker and an apple peeler/corer ready to go, even though I thought that they would change my life.

2. I still freak out when the gas gauge gets down to 1/8 of a tank, even though the Mister's cavalier attitude to filling up has taught me that the car will go for days when the gauge shows "empty". (The Mister used to have an Audi that had a gauge that meant "empty" when it showed empty, and I recall coasting into a gas station when the car had utterly exhausted itself. And still, he thinks 1/8 of a tank means "someday soon, you should look into putting gas in this thing". ) I am really going to have to get over that.

3. I keep expecting that when I go to buy clothes, they will actually fit me and look nice. Bitter disappointment on this score has taught me nothing.

4. I wait until the last minute to get my driver's licence renewed. They send me the thing just before Christmas, and then I forget about it, and I almost always wind up in a sweaty, desperate frenzy to get it before I will be hauled off to jail for having an expired driver's licence.

5. I misplace my keys, like, a million times a day. How hard would it be for me to put them in the same stinking place every time? Way hard, apparently, because I never do it and I lose hours of my life every year searching for the stupid things.

6. I started giving the cat his tuna first thing in the morning, instead of later in the day, or better, at random times so he would never expect it at the same time every day. Now, because I started giving it to him right after I get up, his mission in life is to get me out. of. that. bed.

At least the first list is longer than the second.