Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Advice I Routinely Ignore

My lifestyle could hardly be described as "on the edge". I recycle. I floss. I've never been bungee-jumping. I plan my meals a week in advance. Not exactly a rebel. I hate getting into trouble....However, I do have a cavalier attitude to some advice that gets dished out regularly, and I revel in my fiendishness.
  1. I never consult my doctor before starting any diet or excercise programme. That's mostly because I never start a diet or exercise programme. But if I did, I would do it with utter abandon.
  2. I wash mushrooms under running water. And they fry up just fine, thank you.
  3. I never repeat after lathering and rinsing. I know, I know, I'm playing with fire, but that's me.
  4. I never dry anything flat. Laying something flat in this house may as well come with the directions "Decorate with sleeping cat".
  5. I don't think I've ever used the gentle cycle on the washing machine. I can't imagine owning anything that cannot withstand a sand blaster for getting it clean.
  6. I never sift flour. I just measure it and fling it right in the bowl and proceed to bake with it, with nary a thought to it's aeration.
  7. I sometimes don't get a flu shot.
  8. In all the years I've been colouring my hair, I've never once done a patch test. And lived to tell the tale.
  9. I rarely have my hands at the "ten to two" position while driving. My hands are usually at the 6:30 position, or the "reaching for the coffee cup while putting on lip gloss" position.
  10. I bring my own licorice into the movie theatre. Because I am not paying $12.00 for a bag of Twizzlers.

But I do recycle. And floss. And I have no intentions of bungee-jumping. But you never know.

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