Sunday, November 11, 2007

Crochet for Crack Heads.

You know, whenever one is creating something, anything, part of the process involves a little bit of self-doubt: Is it good? Does my work have merit? Will anyone like it? It's not altogether bad to have a few moments where you examine your creation with a cold, clear eye and attempt to judge it without prejudice.
This woman has no such misgivings. She cranks out this incredibly, ungodly stuff and does so with an exuberance and gusto that I can only stand back and admire. These are some seriously bat-shit crazy knitting designs.

I know what you’re thinking: “Thank God! I’ve been waiting for years for someone to come upt witha pattern so I can knit my own pantaloons! Saints be praised!”

I’ll bet all the other Whos down in Whoville will be some jealous.

Every woman I know would love this outfit….”I need an outfit that makes my bum look really big. No, bigger than that. No! Bigger and wider. Oh, look! Here it is! And what a bonus! Extraneous half-sleeves/gloves that only cover the bottom half of my arms, which would get really, really cold otherwise! All in stretchy, spinach coloured yarn which will get really baggy and make my bottom look like I’m smuggling a couple of cauliflowers? SOLD!”

Not only have I found the perfect outfit for the staff Christmas party this year, I now have a new “funeral suit”, too.

Wow. I….I….just……um…..it’s so……… gaaaah!
Just looking at this thing is giving me a severe neurological episode. Honestly, I’m afraid if I look at it too long I might blow out the part of my brain that can parallel park. Or remembers birthdays.
I can knit, and I can crochet. Let's hope I never, ever come to this.

4 comments:

Big Liver Girl said...

do you think the gloves are attached to the scarf... in an attempt to keep her from putting her hands to gether in front of her... which would in effeect keep her from knitting anything again... ever.

Speranza Speaks said...

Hmmm. Napoleon-shags-Swiss-Chalet? How DO u come across these fascinating gems?!

Mrs. Loudshoes said...

Just lucky, I guess.

I Also Sing Alto said...

I am thinking that Turkey Hat could come in handy should I ever be short of targets while working my cross bow. Words truly fail me.