Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Fair Enough

Yesterday we made out annual pilgrimage to the local Fair,and it did not disappoint: rides designed to re-arrange your internal organs? Check. Delicious food that's so nutritionally unsound you can actually feel your arteries hardening as you eat? Check. All manner, size and shape of human forms so as to marvel at the fates of evolution? Check. Hemorrhage money and have nothing to show for it? Check. All part of the tradition.


The girls are big enough now to go on the big midway rides exclusively, and they certainly partook with enthusiasm. I used to like rides back in the day, but am very happy now to abstain and observe. There's nowhere else like the Fair for people watching, let me tell you....

I have to admire the sheer bull-headedness of some people when it comes to walking out the door in an outfit that is clearly age-inappropriate, or dimensionally-challenged. There were plenty of eye-popping ensembles there that defied both the laws of physics and good taste. That level of denial is kind of impressive, if you ask me.


Human behaviour is endlessly fascinating, and the sea of "the hell??"will never run dry. Case in point: we saw one young woman answer her cell phone while waiting for the bumper cars to organize themselves, and then proceeded to talk on said phone for the duration of the ride. While driving. A bumper car. One wonders what information of earth-shattering importance could be digested while driving a bumper car. I hope she wasn't talking to her accountant.

Himself and I saw one woman, 50ish, who brought home all too harshly that aging hippies are a sad lot: she was wearing jeans and a glittery tank top (bra-less) that claimed for all the world to see " Will Work for Beer", and while perusing the air purifiers, has to put down her cane and saying "just let me get my glasses". I know getting older is an affront to one's dignity, but come on, sooner or later you're going to have to get over the fact that you're not 18 any more. The evidence is overwhelming.

Of all the sustenance offered at the Fair, none can beat the 'deep-fried Mars bar' for the award for "Barely Fit for Human Consumption". For those of you not familiar with this particular delicacy ("Scotland's Finest Import!") it is, just as one might fear, a Mars bar, impaled on a stick, battered and deep fried. And sprinkled with icing sugar. (They ask you if you'd like icing sugar, like, you might want to consider those extra calories before indulging.) For 5 bucks, you cannot get a more heart-stopping, pancreas-shocking wad of carbohydrates and fat. We shared it between 4 of us, and believe me, that was plenty...two bites and I was done. The kids enjoyed it very much, but then again, their livers are all bright and shiny and new and can handle that fierce onslaught of toxins without protest.

We also encountered both the Messy Hair Family ("We style our hair with a Cuisinart!") and The Bad Hair Family ("We style our hair with spray starch and a blow torch!")

The barn tour is always a highlight, no matter how much the kids protest when I insist on it. ("We took you out of school early for this, we have to make it educational.") We saw piglets and lambs that had been born that day, and some very haughty looking llamas. There were goats and ducks and geese and a very cranky horse. We sized eggs, milked a pretend cow and watched them shear a sheep. We missed the Pig and Duck Races, which was too bad, because we love those. We've seen that same show so many times we can recite all the lame jokes by heart. We also saw the Human Cannonball, which was pretty impressive. Imagine being that guy and filling out a passport document or a tax form: Occupation: Human Cannonball. I'll bet that raises a lot of eyebrows.

When we finally plodded out the gate as they were turning off the lights, Thing 2 wearily said to me "I love this place". Me too, honey.

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