My husband's almost 80-year old aunt tells me that "growing old is not for sissies", and I believe her. It appears that the indignities and ravages of aging take a hit on the ego as well as the body, and it's a tough gig. Although I am hardly on my way to the retirement home, there are certainly distinct signs that I am not in the first blush of youth any longer. These things creep up on you; you thought of yourself as a young person (even a "girl" once or twice) before the concrete wall of reality slams itself into your forehead. And I'm not talking about the obvious wrinkles and flab of middle age, it's the sinister external signs of aging that jump up and say "howdy". So, here are a few of the ways I realized that I am no longer young.
1. "OOoooff". That is the noise I make when I get up out of a sitting position. The first time I made it, I looked around to see exactly where in the room my father was. He wasn't. It was me. My hips and knees and back object to sudden movement, and that did not happen in my 20's.
2. "Does it have to be so loud in here?" To my utter horror, these words came out of my mouth in a store at the mall that my niece dragged me into. The musice was deafening, and it seemed to consist of an angry, young man with a serious speech impediment shouting and bellowing and mooing. I left.
3. "When did they put that there?" Buildings seem to spring up overnight now. When I was younger, perhaps I noticed this sort of thing more, probably because my head wasn't filled to overflowing with all the details of the three other lives I steer.
4. "You know, I could really use one of those." "Those" being one of the little metal carts that old ladies use to drag their groceries back from the store. I think they would be very useful because I do a fair bit of walking, and a bag of milk is like 50 very cold bolwing balls by the time you're half way home. On the other hand, that is the top of a very slippery slope and I'm not starting down it. If I got one of those carts, it's just a matter of time until I have a rain bonnet in my purse and nylon anklets.
5. "Oh, I can't eat that any more". There was a time when I had a cast iron stomach, and could eat whatever I wanted without consequence. Now, not only do I gain weight when I stand beside a cheesecake and inhale deeply, I find certain foods have an effect on my body that has diminished my enjoyment of them utterly. Croissants give me heartburn, and chocolate after a certain hour will make it difficult for me to sleep. I avoid things like nuts and hard crusts because I'm afraid I'll crack a tooth. And I don't miss them. That is the part that frightens me more than anything.
6. "You guys go ahead, I'll stay home". Believe me, I like to socialize; talking is my number one favorite thing to do. But as I get older, I must say that there are fewer and fewer events that are more attractive than my bed and a book, particularly in the evenings. I've been to more than one party where I was mad that I hadn't brought my book to it.
Like it or not, one has to face the fact that one is not 18 any more, or else one will end up looking lke Cher. There is such a thing as growing old gracefully, but I'm not at all sure it involves a little metal grocery cart.
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