The Horror

I found this site today: The Worst Album Covers Ever. ,and was simultaneously horrified and transfixed. It is fabulous.

Here are some of the highlights:



Would you just look at them? Honestly, they give you the shivers, don't they? From the creepy dad with the self-satisfied smirk, who doesn't have to wear the male uniform that the rest of them do, to the hideous mother/daughter mirror image, this family has dysfunctional written all over it. I can just see the oldest one there on the left wondering when he can depart from this fake-brick hell and become a fashion designer like he's always wanted. The kid in the back
is working on how to pick the lock on the gun-rack, and the littlest one? He already has the crystal-meth lab set up in the basement.



Holy schnikes, this is bad. Where do I start? Her "Little House on the Prairie" get up certainly suits the bleak, dust bowl farm image in the background, but the guys outfits are jarringly out of sync. (Everyone knows polyester wasn't around in the '30's, let alone the early 1900's! Jeesh!) The pattern on the pants is bad enough, but paired with the prison garb turtlenecks and the crocheted vests, is positively immoral. The hairdos of the two guys on the right are mighty groovy and the 'staches are "turn of the century" jaunty, but what any of this has to do with a Country Church is any body's guess.



Buenos Dios, I am Tino, your sexy Latin heart throb. Are you not enjoying my smoldering gaze and my suggestive pose? Come closer, mia carina, and I will sing to you of hot passion and my manly thighs. Also, I will do the laundry, because these shoes are not so clean. But you, mia caiente tortuga, you will melt under my blazing manliness, and buy my albums forever.

Oh, Joyce. I'm sorry the gender-reassignment surgery didn't work out so well, and I'm sure those fluctuating hormones must be hellish, but really, was that the best you could do with what you've got? The Side-Show Bob hair was a disastrous choice, you must know that, and that tiny little rose is not going to detract from that tragedy of a dress. The Tweety Bird glasses are not "cute" or "winsome" , although they do pull their weight heroically in hiding those Sasquatch eyebrows. Maybe a new surgeon will take pity on you, but in the meantime, get a makeover.

Jesus Christ in a wheelbarrow, this guy scares the crap outta me! Is it the Andy Warhol hair? The steady, flat, reptilian gaze? The horrible, groovy glasses? I can't look long enough to figure it out. The blue circle in the bottom right loosely translated means "A present you will like the whole year round". A year full of nightmares and unspeakable horrors, methinks. All I know is that those roses are there to lure me to a place where he can kill me and drink my blood. No thanks.

There are plenty more where those came from, sadly. Check it out.